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Originally Posted by abaya
But what do you think happened with your sister and her husband? Surely they didn't start out that way. What got in the way of their daily intimacy? Did they ever have it, and lost it? Or was it just never there? That was part of my OP... if love is being committed to working on a relationship, what happens to make love go away? Do all those little daily decisions that people make, that don't seem to matter at the time, build up to destroy the love that the couple began with?
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I'm not close enough to my sister to know the answer... I can guess... and I think it's the reason why a lot of relationships go south... She was in love with the idea of being in love... While dating, he was attentive, they also worked in the same building so it made it a lot easier to see each other all the time and his working late wasn't that noticable because - she didn't live with him then, and she could see him at the office. Once they got married... Life gets in the way... House repairs come up - and that takes away from the "me" time my sister was used to getting, kids come up... work comes up... dating and long term committed relationships are two totally different things and I'm not sure my sister (nor are a lot of people) ready for the differences...
Long term relationships aren't all roses and lollypops.. there's thorns and sticky fingers too... it's how people deal with the thorns and such that really define the relationship... My sister... is one of those types who sees her husband's working late as a personal affront on her... that he's doing it to piss her off (maybe so and kudos to him for doing so because it's fun to piss her off) but what she doesn't see is that he always worked late... If she was smart (she'll tell you she's got a high iq and is really smart and has all these degrees) she would have had her eyes opened in the beginning and not continued the relationship... and found someone who was more suited to her... She forgot the cardinal rule in a relationship -- you can't expect to change another person, you can really only work within their personality.