abaya

Something I have been puzzling out lately is whether "love" boils down to a willingness to work, to sacrifice, to take turns caring for each other even when you don't feel like doing that at times. Is it just making a habit of tenderness, of good communication, of willingness to keep trying and changing until you "fall in love" again... going through the cycles of this process together, without being scared of what happens in the interim periods? (And I don't mean to minimize the process by saying it's "just" making a habit... good habits are *damn* hard to keep up, when you're human.)

This idea of love seems somehow more realistic and down-to-earth than what most Hallmark cards and other Western romantic stuff make it out to be... and my theory is that most of us would say that this is what a long-term relationship/marriage is about. Not that the gushy feelings (lust) aren't there anymore, but that one can allow those feelings to come and go while still enjoying the companionship of the other person. Of course, that sounds a bit like basically being best friends with benefits... but I do hope it can be more intimate than that, even over a long period of time.

At least, these thoughts are one way for me to make sense of my ups and downs in a relationship... and not to freak out so much over the downs. But then some people get so stuck in the downs that they head for a breakup/divorce... how does that happen? Does one person, or both people, just stop choosing to "love?" Or is it really about the "inevitable" loss of those lustful, passionate feelings over a long period of time that causes separation? My theory is that we have more control over "love" than we might think, because it comes down to conscious decisions over time... making it a habit, but one that we enter into willingly and refuse to take for granted.

What do you all think?

__________________
And think not you can direct the course of Love;
for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
--Khalil Gibran