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Siege · 03-29-2006, 07:50 PM

For all you poor college/university students out there.

"How to sell your body for cash"

http://www.askmen.com/fashion/how_to...66_how_to.html

Quote:

In literature, men foolishly sell parts of themselves they can't afford. Goethe's Faust sells his soul for the same thing Wagner's Wotan gives up his eye for, which is the same prize for which Adam surrenders his innocence: knowledge. Self-destruction is the inevitable result. Damn, omniscience is costly!

Why sell something unrecoverable of yours in exchange for silly abstractions when your body already produces a host of renewable cash cows? Truth is, the modern world offers men various ways to prostitute their body and its resources, and most of them won't leave you feeling desperate for a fix and a shower.

Sperm
Being a sperm donor takes two basic male desires -- orgasms and money -- and, in a seemingly "too good to be true" moment, combines them. That said, sperm banks hold to exceptionally high standards: The extensive, multi-layered screening process eliminates about 95% of us.

To begin, you typically have to be between 18 and 35 and in solid health. Then, prepare to expose your family tree to a thorough, honest dissection, going back two generations. You'll be asked about tattoos, drug use, experimental sex, your grandma's TB, your uncle's alcoholism, and your mother's schizoid episodes.

If invited in, you'll be given a sterile cup and offered "aides" in the form of movies or magazines or both; just don't count on a hand job from the hottie at the front desk. You'll be instructed not to use a lubricant, as it can contaminate the "specimen" (or load, or wad, whichever you care to call it). Your boys will then be tested for everything from the obvious (sperm count) to the unexpected (forward momentum), and that's just for starters.

If accepted as a donor, you'll earn between $50 to $200 per specimen. You'll be expected to rub one out into their cups two to three times per week and make a commitment to the program that lasts six months or longer depending on the policies of the clinic. Because they need a consistently potent specimen, you'll have to abstain from having an orgasm anywhere but at the clinic; and yes, they'll know if you're cheating on them.

Sperm banks can be found in almost every major city but because of discretion, they aren't always easy to locate. You can try a Yellow Pages search for "sperm banks" or "cryobanks" in your area, or there are websites such as SpermBanker.com that operate as information clearing houses.

Blood
Whole blood can be donated every 56 days. Considering the overwhelming need for blood around the world, it's unfortunate that only about 5% of healthy donors actually give. The largest blood collection association in the world, the Red Cross, doesn't pay for blood because they've found that altruistic donors are also the safest ones. Though, this doesn't mean your blood isn't lucrative.

What's in your blood and how can you sell it?

Plasma
Plasma is the liquid portion of your blood, which furnishes it with the right proteins for clotting and is used to help hemophiliacs, among other patients. It is the most common purchased portion of your blood.

Once you hook up with a collection center, you'll go in for an initial screening. Don't worry, the screening process won't be nearly as intrusive as the ones you'll find at sperm banks.

The process to remove your plasma is known as apheresis selective blood donation. One needle goes in each arm; your blood then passes through a sterile separator, removes the plasma, and returns the rest to your body via the other arm. It takes about 90 minutes, and the staff will typically provide you with a diversion such as a movie to watch. At most, you can sell your plasma every 48 hours. It's this process of returning your plasma-free blood to your body that allows for such frequent return visits.

You'll earn around $35 per visit; generally it starts on the low end and goes up as you become a regular.

There are literally hundreds of for-profit plasma collection centers across North America. Check the Yellow Pages under "blood" or "blood centers" and give whomever you find a call; if they aren't buying, they'll know who is.

Platelets
Another less profitable component of your blood is your platelets; little cell fragments that clot your blood when you've got an open wound. Cancer and transplant patients, to name a few, need your platelets to survive.

The entire process is nearly identical to selling your plasma: An initial screening followed by the double-needle apheresis, which, again, takes from 90 minutes to two hours. You could stand to earn as much as $50 per visit, but you can only go 24 times per year, or about every two weeks.

As with plasma, platelet collection centers abound, so follow the simple instructions under plasma.

Hair
Modern-day Samsons out there, take note: Your long, flowing locks are worth money. You may need a good 10 inches of it, but the better the condition -- meaning you don't smoke and you take decent care of it -- the more you stand to earn.

The approximate going rate is $5 to $10 per ounce, but some people are selling their hair for $400 or more. You can sell it on eBay, post it on HairSite.com or call your local wig or toupee makers.

Clinical trials
Trials for a multitude of drugs go on all the time, and they can be extremely profitable. For an outstanding, thorough breakdown of these trials, check out Richard Steven's article on the subject and if you're game -- and I urge you to think it over -- check into CenterWatch.com, a reputable Internet clearing house for such trials.

Kidneys
In North America it's illegal to sell a kidney. This isn't to say people haven't tried; recently someone tried to hawk their kidney on eBay, only to have it pulled by the site -- but not before the price reached epic proportions. There's good reason for this: At this moment, at least a million people worldwide need a kidney, and quickly.

Selling yourself to the female sex...

In some other areas of the world you can sell a kidney, but it's typically legal only in nations where you may not want to go under the knife in the first place. In addition, statistics show that the huge majority of kidney peddlers regret it. Still, when you stand to earn anywhere from $5,000 to $25,000 for surrendering one of these, it isn't hard to see why people do it.

Going gigolo
You've always known you had a way with the ladies. Now's your chance to prove it: go gigolo.

Minus finding a street pimp -- an option that I won't dignify -- you have two choices: Join an escort service or become an independent contractor. Naturally the latter is more difficult; you may have to advertise, make subtle and discreet business cards (no, I'm not kidding), cruise the hotel bars and peddle your bad self to lonely ladies. Whether they say so or not, escort services often operate on the fringes of legality, and this has everything to do with the sexual aspect. It's no different for the independent contractor; it's all cool and legit until you accept money for sex.

Otherwise, you'll be expected to be nothing short of a modern-day Renaissance man. You'll need to converse on art and architecture, speak a couple languages, follow current events, and know what women are really like and what they want better than any other man you know. Unlike a female prostitute -- and I have to make the comparison here -- sex is not a foregone conclusion. More often than not your role is as eye candy, a companion and brilliant conversationalist. And anyway, let's face facts: Sex may be the last thing on your wish list when you consider the potential clientele -- these people are not supermodels.

Depending on your skills and your reputation, one night as a gigolo can net you a wide range of fees; from a couple hundred dollars into the thousands. Check your Yellow Pages under "Escorts" or go solo and see what the competition is up to on Gigolo.com.

Never tried any of this myself. Maybe I should sell my blood. Hell, I do it for free now and then, maybe I should get paid for it while i'm at it.