Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community - View Single Post - Mothers as guilty as Fathers in sexual abuse?

analog · 03-26-2006, 10:43 PM

I say they're almost as guilty as the person doing the crimes, however-

Say she reports it. What are her options?

Even if she already works, is it enough to support the kids by herself if dad is thrown in jail? Are the kids too young to be working without having a baby-sitter? The ridicule, shame, and loss of trust/friendships, having everyone know your husband went to jail for molesting your children? In that time, you need support more than ever... and it would be difficult to find that help with that info made public (literally).

If she doesn't work, can she think of a way to support her kids? What if we're talking about a family with two relatively young children?

Will dad be given a light sentence, and become a (possibly violent) threat to the family when released?

If she reports it, and dad goes away forever, then she's admitting to herself that she loved a pedophile all those years- that the person she's loved with all her heart would do that... and that's a very painful thing to have to come to grips with. Also, she's going to think about how she can possibly take care of her kids. Will there be enough food? Can she keep clothes on their backs and a roof over their heads? Unfortunately, government assistance doesn't always kick in like it needs to, and some people are left without options.

So she has the fate of these two kids' lives on her conscience... can you imagine having to live with yourself, knowing what you permitted? The best denial in the world will still leave you a mentally tortured person. Also, you run the very real risk of putting their chances of a "better future" into the realm of near-impossible. Especially if you're in a relatively small town.

Everyone wants a good life for their kids. They usually want a "better" life than they had- more financial security, a more comfortable livelihood without the same hardships they faced. This is why so many single parents work themselves to the absolute bone, putting their kids through school and trying desperately to save for college...

It's easy to say one way or the other, but the decisions made are often the result of traumatic psychological stress... and denial is often the remainder of the mental breakdown that occurs.

03-26-2006, 10:43 PM	#3 (permalink)
analog Banned	I say they're almost as guilty as the person doing the crimes, however- Say she reports it. What are her options? Even if she already works, is it enough to support the kids by herself if dad is thrown in jail? Are the kids too young to be working without having a baby-sitter? The ridicule, shame, and loss of trust/friendships, having everyone know your husband went to jail for molesting your children? In that time, you need support more than ever... and it would be difficult to find that help with that info made public (literally). If she doesn't work, can she think of a way to support her kids? What if we're talking about a family with two relatively young children? Will dad be given a light sentence, and become a (possibly violent) threat to the family when released? If she reports it, and dad goes away forever, then she's admitting to herself that she loved a pedophile all those years- that the person she's loved with all her heart would do that... and that's a very painful thing to have to come to grips with. Also, she's going to think about how she can possibly take care of her kids. Will there be enough food? Can she keep clothes on their backs and a roof over their heads? Unfortunately, government assistance doesn't always kick in like it needs to, and some people are left without options. So she has the fate of these two kids' lives on her conscience... can you imagine having to live with yourself, knowing what you permitted? The best denial in the world will still leave you a mentally tortured person. Also, you run the very real risk of putting their chances of a "better future" into the realm of near-impossible. Especially if you're in a relatively small town. Everyone wants a good life for their kids. They usually want a "better" life than they had- more financial security, a more comfortable livelihood without the same hardships they faced. This is why so many single parents work themselves to the absolute bone, putting their kids through school and trying desperately to save for college... It's easy to say one way or the other, but the decisions made are often the result of traumatic psychological stress... and denial is often the remainder of the mental breakdown that occurs.