(DISCLAIMER - I hereby state that, in making this post, I don't mean to offend anyone or make anyone feel like I don't respect their personal point of view. I am stating MY OPNION on this matter, and I fully respect everyone else's right to have an opnion different from mine)
As some of you may or may not know, I recently started a job as a Home Healthcare Aide. I got this job through my chiropractor, who has a daughter who is "Special Needs." She has a rare condition that, among other things, caused parts of her brain to not develop. She literally has empty places in her skull where brain should be. Along with the brain problems, one of her eyes is smaller and weaker than the other, and her right side is generally weaker than her left. She just turned two. Her parents are doing a very intense "thearapy" on her through The Institutes for the Advancement of Human Potential (
http://www.iahp.org/), and have been for the past eight months or so. Her mother, S, has her entire life and existence wrapped up in doing this program with A, the little girl. Literally, S spends every single waking moment thinking about A, talking about A, being with A, doing the program with A, etc etc etc. Mr. S is also involved in the rehab, but he works as a teacher and as a chiropractor, so during the weekdays there's a helper who comes six hours a day to work with S.
Having come up against this situation, where there's someone who is putting her entire life aside for the sake of her child, I have done a lot of thinking. I do not believe in trying to turn a child that is not "normal" nor will ever be "normal" into something that is as close to "normal" as their physical bodies will allow. And I definitely don't believe the "To me, my child is 'normal' because s/he is the only child I have" line. I'm sorry, you know what is normal for a human being- having gaps where brain should be is not normal. Having seizures up to fifteen times a day is not normal. Being two years old and not able to crawl is not normal. Therefore, I find the trying to make the child "better" to be a selfish action, because it is trying to take something that is broken and cannot be fixed and make it into something as close to yourself as possible. Trying to "fix" your child at the sake of your own life is selfish, not selfless- you're neglecting the wonders of your own life, a life that was given a perfect body to be lived in, for the sake of your child, who will never ever be normal. I feel that throwing one's life away for the sake of their broken child is foolish, as you should live your life first and foremost in order to care for your child the best you can. Perhaps they'll never get past the drooling stage if you focus on yourself instead of them, but you will be a whole and complete person, making the most of your life. S mothers A constantly, calling out to her when she's even in the other room, and is ALWAYS with her, at the sake of her husband, her own personal life, her own mental well-being, and her own self. She sees it as a noble endeavor, I see it as useless.
This mindset comes from my belief in how we are before we have bodies. I do not believe that every body is special- the spirit inside the body is special, but the body is just the thing that transports the spirit around. If I was going to be born with a broken body, I would rather hit the reboot button and try again than live my life trapped in an existence that I could not live to the fullest. If Martel and I were to get pregnant and found out our child was "devlopmentally disabled," we would have an abortion and try again. I would not feel remorseful for "what might have been" because I would know that the body was just the vessel, and the spirit (what mattered) was still living in the "ethers" and could be given another body, a perfect body, when the time was right.
I would also like to add, for the record, that I am NOT IN ANY WAY saying I think we should euthanize everyone with a developmental disability.
Perhaps this makes sense to you, perhaps not. Maybe you're angry at me for even thinking such things, maybe you agree. I've been thinking about this a lot, and want to share my perspective with you in the hopes of gathering more perspectives, perhaps even from people who have friends and family members who were given little hope of devloping normally and who exceeded expectations. I want to expand my point of view, and talk about this, because it bugs me to see someone I am friends with take on what is, to me, a wholly fruitless endeavor day after day after day.