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Old 03-20-2006, 06:01 AM   #51 (permalink)
ClostGoth
Crazy
 
Location: Omaha, NE
My husband and I planned on having a large family from the start. I was very close to my younger sister (5yrs younger), but always felt we didn't have enough in common growing up. He was very distant from his brother, being almost a decade older, and they still have trouble communicating. After much painstaking research and discussion taking in consideration our own personal experiences we decided that we wanted to have our kids 3yrs apart. Oh, we wanted a LARGE family, too - 4-6 kids. Needless to say, it didn't go exactly as planned. As we were to find out, nothing ever does go _exactly_ the way you plan it. Come to find out it's not as easy for me to have children as I'd thought. We did have one every three years, but it took nine pregnancies to achieve. I can't have more. We still wanted a big family, however, and decided to adopt. On the road to adoption we discovered all of these kids out there who need loving homes and a safe place to be while their own homes fall apart. So we got into foster care. Living with us right now are our own, 9yrs, 6yrs, and 3yrs, and a 10mos old baby girl whom we will _most likely_ have the chance to adopt in another five-ten months. We've had her since she was 3mos old. This weekend we had a brother (4) and sister(3) whom we adored and would love to have kept. We also kept a sibling set, brother 6&7, whom we were not unhappy to see go. I think it all depends on the family dynamics - what works for YOU. You can't let others make your decisions for you, or let their decisions affect you. We certainly don't preach at other people about how they should live their lives. What works for us certainly doesn't have to work for everyone. You can treat it kind of the same way I treat race issues when they come up (of course, not all of our children are going to end up looking like us - you'd be surprised at the hatred and evilness that brings out in some people!) smile, nod, and move on. You love your daughter and you know her better than anyone else in the world can. And you KNOW that she's going to be a wonderful person, and that this is the family dynamic that is right for YOU. So thank them for their well meaning advice and then ignore it.
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I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I intended to be.
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