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There are differences between play and non-play. In my own experience, there is a difference in how the child in question reacts. Your instincts will go haywire when you hear them say certain things.. certain much-too-aware things. Certain ways of relating to adults and other children. There is just something OFF. I wish I could define it, but I don't have the correct terminology for it. It's just a matter of being wrong in some circumstances and not in others.
Mostly, innocent play will not involve more than looking, poking at, giggling sorts of things. Even in innocent play, one kid can react strongly/poorly, feeling uncomfortable. The other kid will learn to back off and not cross those boundaries. In non-innocent play, there is more intent behind it, and you'll recognize it if you're willing to. (Many of us would rather live in denial of reality, unfortunately.) It will make you uncomfortable and you won't even realize why immediately.
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My heart knows me better than I know myself, so I'm gonna let it do all the talkin'.
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