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Sultana · 03-12-2006, 04:15 PM

I've been reading and watching this thread, and have been trying to get my thoughts ordered enough to contribute.

I can understand how the OP feels. I identify with the feeling of not being enough, insecurity, when I think of my man wanting to look at other women in a sexual way. Especially with I was new to the relationship, omg! It was hard to deal with.

These days I am completely comfortable if he wants to do that, but that's because I trust him 1000%. I know without a doubt that he desires me, and that if offered a choice, he'd vastly rather have me than a 2-dimentional photo of a stranger. But because of life, and things that get in the way, and the vagarities of men being visual and what not (undeniable), I don't fret over what photos he may occasionally look at.

I ask myself what is the difference, and what I've come up with is this: Besides the fact that I trust him, it's a matter of how much importance he puts on it. If he looked at it all the time, if every time I walked into the office he had a magazine open, or a site up, and/or was beating off, etc., that would be a negative. Basically, if he made me feel like it was more important than our relationship, that would be bad. But I am secure in the knowlege that *I* and *we* are much more important, so I couldn't care less.

It does seem though, that many of the guys posting here seem to feel that it's their inalienable right, and that even questioning it is practically unamerican, or at least un-TFP-ian. I don't see it that way, but since I'm not male, I'm certain my viewpoint in this matter will not be regarded with the same weight.

I do greatly appreciate Wilravels' input about having better things to do. While there's nothing wrong with being a sexual person, I do think that to persue a one-handed sexuality (so to speak) to the exclusion of other relationships (sexual or not), is detrimental. I don't think it's sad when one's life is so full that there's not room for superficial sexuality (if one would agree that porn is a superficial sexual persuit) to be a large percentage of one's life.

03-12-2006, 04:15 PM	#42 (permalink)
Sultana Falling Angel Location: L.A. L.A. land	I've been reading and watching this thread, and have been trying to get my thoughts ordered enough to contribute. I can understand how the OP feels. I identify with the feeling of not being enough, insecurity, when I think of my man wanting to look at other women in a sexual way. Especially with I was new to the relationship, omg! It was hard to deal with. These days I am completely comfortable if he wants to do that, but that's because I trust him 1000%. I know without a doubt that he desires me, and that if offered a choice, he'd vastly rather have me than a 2-dimentional photo of a stranger. But because of life, and things that get in the way, and the vagarities of men being visual and what not (undeniable), I don't fret over what photos he may occasionally look at. I ask myself what is the difference, and what I've come up with is this: Besides the fact that I trust him, it's a matter of how much importance he puts on it. If he looked at it all the time, if every time I walked into the office he had a magazine open, or a site up, and/or was beating off, etc., that would be a negative. Basically, if he made me feel like it was more important than our relationship, that would be bad. But I am secure in the knowlege that I and we are much more important, so I couldn't care less. It does seem though, that many of the guys posting here seem to feel that it's their inalienable right, and that even questioning it is practically unamerican, or at least un-TFP-ian. I don't see it that way, but since I'm not male, I'm certain my viewpoint in this matter will not be regarded with the same weight. I do greatly appreciate Wilravels' input about having better things to do. While there's nothing wrong with being a sexual person, I do think that to persue a one-handed sexuality (so to speak) to the exclusion of other relationships (sexual or not), is detrimental. I don't think it's sad when one's life is so full that there's not room for superficial sexuality (if one would agree that porn is a superficial sexual persuit) to be a large percentage of one's life. __________________ "Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it flips over, pinning you underneath. At night, the ice weasels come." - Matt Groening My goal? To fulfill my potential.