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What's very telling about this post is that you almost never make reference to how your wife feels about ANY of these issues. This means you've either never talked about them in proper detail or you've omitted them from your post. So.. you need to lay out the "Path of Communication";
It's really something that I just made up by thinking about how I would (and others should) solve problems like this. What do you two need to talk about?
List these things.
To get you started:
You wanting to try new things
Her depression
Your respective attraction levels
Your interest in other women
Your previous dreams (especially those which are woefully unmet)
Your fear of leaving her
Your fear of hurting her
Your goals for the future
Your feeling that you don't share enough common interests
With those listed, it's pretty apparent that there's a LOT to talk about. Obviously you can't talk about ALL of this in one conversation, as you'd have a clusterfuck of crying and very little mutual progress. So think about it; if ONE of these things could change now, which would have the most positive effect on your outlook for this relationship (and life)? If it's your desire to fuck other women, than that is the one. If its your fear of leaving her alone, then that is the one. Once you talk about one and resolve it, your path will be on the Path of Communication. You'll feel better about the relationship since you chose THIS as the one to have the most positive effect.
Move down the list until you've gone down everything there is to talk about. About half way through, you'll start to know which way it's going. Either she's unable to help you resolve these issues and its time to move on, or you've just improved your relationship tenfold. Since you're only half way done, there's room for ANOTHER tenfold improvement. Isn't that exciting? If you don't even have the motivation to TRY to improve the relationship, then this is a sign of its own.
The most important part of this process is HOW you approach each of these topics. It's something that I'd say the vast majority of people are bad at; approaching sensitive issues. You need a combination of blunt honesty and compassionate concern. On the issue of being attracted to other women, this is completely natural. However, are you still attracted to HER as well? Make sure that this is clear in your discussion. If you elaborate for hours about how other women are attractive without reminding her that she still is, then its going to be taken the wrong way. Likewise, if you're approaching it, even mentally, as "something you want" rather than "something that will help us," she's going to be less susceptive.
To be honest, I'd ask her tonight if she "feels any difference in your relationship lately." If she has, ask her what it is. If she asks you why, tell her why.
That's just my 2cents.
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"I'm typing on a computer of science, which is being sent by science wires to a little science server where you can access it. I'm not typing on a computer of philosophy or religion or whatever other thing you think can be used to understand the universe because they're a poor substitute in the role of understanding the universe which exists independent from ourselves." - Willravel
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