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but I will say there is something that turns me on about watching people/other women...but if I say that to my SO, I don't want him to think that he can just check out other women whenever he wants and I don't want to feel like I give him the okay to be turned on by them.....
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You seem to have difficulties speaking your mind to your SO. By holding in what is either bothering you or something you wish to explore, you're not giving yourself fully to this person, number one and number two, you WILL explode at some point (we all do when we withhold) and it will most likely be at a most inopportune time. If some part about Porn turns you on, SAY so and if something about it is either incomprehensible or a turn off, SAY so.
Men check out women, it's in their DNA and you holding your feelings inside in the belief that he won't as long as you remain silent is a major mistake. Hell, join in! Point out the cuties and have a discussion about them! Trust me, doing so is NOT going to have him running up to them, leaving you in his dust.