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Old 03-05-2006, 04:40 AM   #20 (permalink)
Zar
Tilted
 
Location: St. Louis
Thank you all for the replies. It's interesting looking back at my half-cocked and half-drunk (heh) opening post.

What is also interesting is that my original post was inspired by roachboy. I find that I must put forth much more effort to read and comprehend his posts than most others, but I generally find the effort worthwhile. He is one of the most unique posters here in terms of perspective and writing style. I should add that roachboy's contribution to this particular discussion was enlightening, as usual.

But, basically, I found myself reading his posts, and I was thinking, "All of this analysis, all of this argument on this essentially random message board, what is the point?" I was feeling quite nihilistic at the time. And after jumping through some mental hoops, this segued into what you see at the top of this thread.

To respond to some of the posts: undoubtedly, some or much of the sentiment I expressed in my opening post can be attributed to burnout. Perhaps I've had a few too many professors who believe that their expertise on British Romantic Poetry [or insert alternate literature topic here] makes them god's gift to mankind (I am not saying that all professors of a given topic are like this -- some seem to fit the bill though). Perhaps I've written a few too many papers that seem utterly pedantic and pointless in order to get that elusive (or not so elusive, depending on a number of factors) A.

I realize, on some level, that going down the road I've outlined can only lead to bitterness. I know that not everyone (not even a tiny fraction of humanity) can be an Isaac Newton and radically alter mankind's perception of the universe that surrounds us. I know that one must find satisfaction in one's own life however they can, by doing whatever they can. No one's ideal of a happy life will fit another person's. I know this all on an intellectual level, at least.

I do still have a hold on my dream though. I still fervently want to become an author. I write daily. Maybe it will all come true, maybe it won't. Only time will tell.

I do know I have a beautiful fiancee that I plan to spend the rest of my life with, and she makes me happier than I ever knew was possible.

And I have a backup plan, for I plan to go to a prestigious (as I've already been accepted) law school and become a bloodsucking lawyer following the completion of my undergraduate degree. Being able to comfortably support the family my fiancee and I have in mind is really all the happiness I could truly wish for.

But we'll see what happens .

Last edited by Zar; 03-05-2006 at 05:41 AM..
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