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Originally Posted by lurkette
The husband definitely exists. Friends have met him, continue to interact with him, etc. Nobody who's met him thinks he's' a murderous psychopath; socially maladjusted, perhaps, and maybe a sick puppy, but not scheming-to-kill-you crazy. The thing is, HE says (on his myspace account, which L checks regularly) that she is crazy. He's really upset about the whole thing, etc. He acknowledges that he was not nice to her and cheated during their marriage, but everything else we've heard about their sick relationship has been from her. Now, this is the kind of thing abusive spouses will do - try to make everyone, including the abused spouse, doubt the abusee's sanity. So...I don't want to disbelieve her and find out later that she was telling the truth and now she's dead; but really, some of the stuff she's told us is beyond belief. Is it possible for someone to be repeatedly roofied and not recall anything that happens?
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It is certainly possible for her to have been drugged incoherent. Anethesia comes in many forms including pill and booze form. Some people self-administer.
With the exception of the dream stuff, it is certainly possible that all of the stuff that she says happened actually did. Even without the claims of clairvoyance, all of the things that she's claiming sound pretty improbable though especially as a whole. It is also possible that some of them did actual happen and her response has revealed underlying psychological problems that explain the dreams, etc. It may have even just been the shock of his infidelity that drove her off the deep end. Regardless, I think that she's swimming in the diving well, and she's not touching bottom. If it seems beyond belief, it probably is. So long as the ex isn't a direct threat to you or her (in reality, not her perception), I don't see where it really matters. She's going to obsess about him regardless of what you do. That's the nature of most mental illness.
Were I in your shoes and decided to stick around (not a given in my case), I would assume that something bad happened to her at some point and accept that you may never find out what that was. In the end, it may not even matter what transpired between her and her ex. Unless she's asking you to help her wallpaper her apartment in tinfoil, I don't see where you have anything to lose by listening to her rant and choosing to ignore her wilder claims. You don't need to tell her that just assume that anything coming out of her mouth regarding her ex is at best exagerated and at worst complete BS. Unless and until you're willing to be her mental health professional, I'm going to restate my view that you shouldn't try to fix her.