SplOOgE MunkeY

I posted some cruel things, and I am sorry. I am sorry that you found them and was hurt. I never intended for you to feel so heartbroken over what you read. I do love you, even if you dont see it. Im fucked up, I know it, and Im sorry. I dont know how to fix it either. I am self destructive, and I wish that I could overcome all the insecurites that I have. I wish that I could go back, and stay the person who you fell in love with, I cant understand why I am so messed up sometimes. I know you felt that pain when you read what I wrote, that I had somehow betrayed you and our relationship, but I didnt mean for it to be that way. I never thought that you would want to leave over some words. I was faithful to you always, I cared for you more than I could ever express, and yes I loved you more than I could ever show you, even if it was fucked up in some ways. I gave you everything I had, I stayed when I felt like I wanted to run, and I cried too over you..more than I even care to talk about. Im sorry you think I dont want you, or that your broken...Im the one who is broken. I never took anything we shared for granted, even though you think I did. I was always loyal to you. and was by your side when it came down to the wire. I never turned my back to you. Now you said it was over, your done with me, and dont want to be with me anymore. How those words cut into my very chest and make me feel as if Im dying, much like I did to you I suppose. Your going to leave me, the only person who would be there for you no matter what happened, the one who took care of you after surgery, and yes no matter how fuck up it seems the one who loved you through all the shit that happened, and I still love you. I wont stop, you cant make me, your the love of my life and now Im 1/2 of what I was. You wont ever understand me, I know that, Im damaged goods. I wish I wasnt. I wish I was like one of your ex-girlfriends sometimes, you always said they were not crazy and fucked up like me. If I was, then maybe you would still want me, want to share a life with me, but Im not, and I am going to be alone. Your leaving me here alone, with no hope of ever recovering, I meant it everytime I told you I loved you. I never lied about that. I meant it when I told you I wanted a family with you and that I would never leave. I didnt lie about those either, and your the one leaving not me. I dont want this, I have put so much of myself into us. I thought you and I was inseperable, but I guess not. Your hurt, my words cut you in the places that you held dear to your heart, but they were just words. I didnt cheat, or betray you. I love you, why cant you just see that? I hold all the times we have shared inside my heart, I cherish them so intensely. Why do I fuck things up, I dont know. I know that I didnt mean to fuck this up though. I wanted you to love me forever, but I guess you cant. Im sorry for hurting you, I miss you already. I want you to know that when I see you I will tell you how I feel, and how I am sorry for being what I am, I cant help Im fucked up, Ive tried. I hope you forgive me, and want to work it out, but if you cant then I will love you enough to let you go, and just admire you from afar. You have my love and always will.