Originally Posted by MEAD

I'm not taking a side in this I'd jsut like to lend a little bit of what I was thinking upon reading these posts. Social interaction, especially with those whom we do not know well, is manipulative. Examine the rituals of our culture: we say, "Hello, how are you?" We shake hands or hug or even kiss. We do those things to put the other person at ease, in other words we manipulate them. Just because we are using techniques to make another person feel easy and thusly manipulating them, does not mean we harbor negative intentions. That's just one example of how everyone manipulates others in a social situations.

And on this idea of being honest... How much of the time are we even honest to ourselves? Why should we commit ourselves to be completely honest to others. I used to make it a point to be honest to my ex. Many times I'd tell her the truth... at that moment. Later my mind could have changed, but since I presented my thoughts at the time as honesty, it became incredibly hard to take those things back just because my opinions had changed. Honestly can be painful, not always nessecary, and worst, not always true. Apply that idea to someone we just met. We may be decieving them even moreso by being upfront and honest!

We project what we think are admirable traits in our soical interaction, what we want to be, or what the mean of our personality is. Just because you feel like shit one day doesnt mean all the people you meet that day have to know about it, and consequently assume thats how you are all the time. We owe it to people to show them who we usually are, or what we have every intention of being. Honestly, that's more honest that the truth of the moment.

Interacting is complex. The idea of just being "honest" is an oversimplification of the problem. You are just avoiding admittance that relating to others is difficult, learned, and at its core, manipulative.

Honesty is also intimacy... It carries a certian weight for you and the person recieving it. We should not be expected to share a piece of our inner self to everyone who we meet. That would be draining for us, and to assume the other person even wants our honesty is offensive to them. Forcing that level of intimacy upon early encounters is foolish. Most people gaurd their inner selves more than they do their physical selves, they would rather have sex with someone than share the deepest thoughts. Apply that to a new relationship. Being completely honest is like you had already been having sex before you even met!