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Originally Posted by ubertuber
Gilda, your situation reminds me of the Robert Frost poem, Mending Wall. I have a feeling you're familiar with it, but if not, it is totally google-able. The last line is one that I think should be singled out - "good fences make good neighbors".
The point is that clear boundaries make it easier for people to interact in heirarchical situations like yours. I'm not saying that you crossed any lines, but for many people, fuzziness invites the sort of issue you're having. It's kind of like having a puppy - some people think that loving them and spoiling the sh!t out of them is the best thing to do. However, this can lead to an anxious dog if spoiling them means letting them get away with stuff. A happy puppy is one who lives in an environment with consistent rules - so they know what to expect and how to behave.
Clear boundaries, known expectations, and consistent consequences take a lot of the personal anguish out of working relationships. At least, that's worked for me so far...
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Hmm. The traditional interpretation of that poem is that the the thinking of the neighbor who says that is outmoded, that he repeats it because his father said it without really thinking about the consequences, hence the description of him as a caveman late in the poem. The narrator believes that the wall is an unnecessary and artificial barrier that keeps them from truly knowing each other.
Still, not being a more authoritative boss probably didn't help me out.
Gilda