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It's definitely the way most people automatically look at love. Some for others means less for me. There's something automatic and fundamental about that. And in most relationships, that's probably the way it goes. But that's absolutely not the way it HAS to go.
lurkette and I are what you call Polyamorous. We openly have intimate, loving relationships with people outside our marriage. And one of the first things we had to deal with about that was exactly this question: if I let you love them, what does that leave me?
It was a leap of faith, quite frankly. But we both believe that love is infinite, the responsible expression of it can only be positive, and any emotions we might have to the contrary are simply opportunities for us to transform ourselves into the creatures we really want to be.
It hasn't been easy. We've dealt with jealousy, envy, frustration, fears of abandonment... the list goes on and on and on. But who we are now is SO much more able to express what we say love is. We're as close as a couple as we've ever been. Other relationships may come and go, but we're clear that we're together for life.
Now, there's this: love isn't a limited resource, but the main ways love gets expressed, namely the resources called time and attention, definitely are. Being in multiple relationships can be hard work, it's not easy to make sure everyone gets taken care of. I think that's really what most people are afraid of in terms of their partner loving someone else--will I still get my needs met? Will I still feel important to him/her? Will s/he still have time for me? And how will I quantify all that? By how much time and how much attention I get from him/her.
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