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Originally Posted by :::OshnSoul:::
I find that if an SO got attached either emotionally or physically with someone else, it is a level of cheating. A part of them, whether big or small, has detached from the relationship.
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(I say this in NO way meaning to pick on Oshn...)
When I read this snippet, I get the impression that someone has been wronged if some part of their partner, whether big or small, has detached from their relationship. I think that's sort of an interesting idea because of the assumptions it rests on. There's a strongly implied belief that the correct state of affairs in a relationship is for both parties to be completely and wholly tied to each other - and that the lack of this constitutes some sort of injury. It sort of sounds like love is a state of "blissful ownership".
I think this is an extremely common way of thinking - these assumptions underlie many people's ideas about love. Still, it's one that I've had trouble with in the past. I've been in love, and even so, at no point was I ever in a state in which all peices of me, whether big or small, were completely attached with no deviation to my partner. I don't imagine that I'll ever be quite in THAT state - it's just not in me... Does that mean that I'm incapable of love in the sense that others mean, or that there is no possibility of me having a healthy, proper relationship? I hope I don't sound sarcastic, because I'm not feeling that way. I'm really curious about this "ownership phenomenon" and love - where does it come from, and does it serve a constructive purpose in relationships? If anyone has any insight, I'd love to read it.
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Originally Posted by SecretMethod70
I am of the opinion that, no, amorous love is not limited. Much like a parent can have multiple children and love each of them, but love each differently, I think that one can feel amorous love with more than one person at the same time and, again, it is unique to each person. It is likely that the feelings of amorous love will be more intense toward one person over others, but I don't think that the love towards that person is necessarily diminished by the presence of amorous love towards others. I also don't think that the more intense love is in any way "better" or "more serious" than the love for others, just different, and perhaps more important to the person feeling love.
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Secret's thoughts are definitely much closer to mine... I'd go one step further and say that in my experience love begets love. When I'm in love with someone, I'm much more charitably inclined towards other people and more likely to love them. Once I'm open to giving and receiving love, it tends to get spread around a fair bit. I'll be honest and say that this has never evolved into a polyamorous situation (and it may well never do so), but I can at least envision the possibility.