I was reading the thread,
Relationship Advice Please, and the concept of "emotional cheating" is one which I find very interesting. Not because I don't think it exists: if one is forming an emotional bond with another and is hiding it from their partner, that's clearly cheating and there is clearly a sense of guilt in it. There is no question in my mind that what has occurred in the original thread should be considered a serious issue. It is one particular comment that I found interesting in that thread though (emphasis mine):
Quote:
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Originally Posted by :::OshnSoul:::
I find that if an SO got attached either emotionally or physically with someone else, it is a level of cheating. A part of them, whether big or small, has detached from the relationship.
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Is this really true? Obviously, it is true in some relationships, perhaps many. What I'm interested in, though, is whether or not you think being emotionally attached to someone other than your significant other
requires being LESS emotionally attached to your significant other. This idea seems to stem from the idea that love is a limited resource: that by having feelings of love for another person, it requires "taking away from" your feelings of love for your significant other.
Obviously, the kind of love one has for a friend, or for a family member, is different than the kind of love one has for a significant other. To make the distinction simple, let's refer to the love one has for friends and family as platonic love and the love one has for a significant other as amorous love. Also, the love one has for a significant other is unique to the person. Anyone who has felt love in more than one relationship can tell you this. But - and this is what I would like to hear thoughts on - is it only possible to truly have amorous love for one person at a time? Does the formation of amorous love for another person inevitably mean that one's amorous love for their significant other is diminished?
I am of the opinion that, no, amorous love is not limited. Much like a parent can have multiple children and love each of them, but love each differently, I think that one can feel amorous love with more than one person at the same time and, again, it is unique to each person. It is likely that the feelings of amorous love will be more intense toward one person over others, but I don't think that the love towards that person is necessarily diminished by the presence of amorous love towards others. I also don't think that the more intense love is in any way "better" or "more serious" than the love for others, just different, and perhaps more important to the person feeling love.
Clearly, just because amorous love for one does not require lessened amorous love for another, I don't think that means that all people are capable of sustaining relationships in which amorous love is felt for and directed towards more than one person. Without profound levels of communication and openness on the part of all persons, it would be nearly impossible to sustain such a situation. It seems to me, though, that most people believe it is not just difficult but impossible for one to fall into amorous love with someone else while maintaining the amorous love and bond with an already existing significant other. This is not something I agree with, but I'm interested to hear your thoughts.