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Originally Posted by Gilda
Congratulations, it sounds like you took quite the emotional risk there and it seems to have paid off. I'm a little bit envious  .
Hmmm. This is what the people trying to help me become more assertive tell me, that I shouldn't care what others think about me. It doesn't make sense to me. If the purpose of being more social is to connect with other people, how can you do that without caring what they think of you? I mean, what would be the point of connecting with people if you don't care about each other? Could that actually be called a connection?
Just questions that hit me. It seems to me that there's no reason to be social if you don't care about other people or what they think of you.
Martian: How does that work? Do you memorize a bunch of good one-liners and then wait for the opportunity to use them? Some of us don't think well on our feet.
Gilda |
The 'dont-care-what-others-think' is a mental confidence booster. It really is telling you to just be yourself, have fun, and most importantly, makes you CONFIDENT. If you are confident, no matter what type of social attitude you have (talk like a player, talk like a gentleman, talk like a nerd), you will come off strongly and people will listen and respect you.
Regarding the one-liners, they only carry you so far. I'm not a quick-witted person, but this can be sort of trained. For the natural players and socialites, it comes as ingrained, but for me I have had to build it slowly but surely. Its not really one-liners more so than how to respond properly to what verbal stimuli people give you; and you only can refine until you try and (fail) everytime you do so.
If you fire off a row of well-practiced one-liners, you will be a hit for as long as you fire them off. But when you are OUT, you will lose confidence since you *think* you are dead, and so usually this is when you overcompensate by trying to think of witty things on the fly and instead clam up alot.
Its better to just talk, chat, without trying to 'impress' them; if you are trying too hard it shows and makes you appear lower value (very bad socially). You come off as desperate and will be unattractive. Better to talk, throw in the one liners that you think of, and keep talking, and when a new one-liner pops up, use it, and this is how they get ingrained in you.