Rodney

When he does this stuff and you get upset, he always says that the problem is yours. He never takes responsibility; at most, he tries to distract you for a second with humor. And then he starts in again.

He says you have the problem, and belittles you for protesting. But when you look at it in terms of responsibility and willingness to recognize problems, who _really_ has the problem?

And no, he will not listen to reason. Why should he? As long as you don't leave, he doesn't have to; he's in control. If you lay down the law, he'll bluster and yell until you give in. And if you don't -- well, anything could happen. He might give in, though I doubt it; he might give in temporarily, but keep testing and testing you; or, he might haul off and whack you one, and apologize, but say "you shouldn't have made me so angry."

The key is _he isn't accepting responsibility for anything,_ and he's putting all the problem on you. And half-making you believe you are the problem. Which gives him an excuse to keep going, and even get more extreme.

You should get out of there before the first time he hits you. And if you don't, no matter how he apologizes, you have accepted the role of victim, and it'll be even harder to get rid of him safely.

Weekly, I attend a class at a church which at the same day and hour hosts a men's group for anger-management problems -- everybody is in there by court-order. And a more tightly-wound group of guys you'd never want to see. Not hostile, but -- energetic; restless, impulsive; loud and easily upset. I don't listen in to the meetings, but sometimes they yell and I can't help it; things like, "Inside two years I married that woman and had a child and I didn't plan any of it! Of course I was pissed off at her!" and "Well, at least I never hit a _woman!_" It sounds to me like your boyfriend would be right at home with them.

Let me just say one thing: listen to all the people on this thread. This is a reality check for you, from the greater reality outside of the little artificial one your boyfriend is trying to manufacture in your brain. Take a stand or break out soon, or you'll always be a player in _his_ world, by _his_ rules. He's moving towards ownership; and if you let him, he'll go there.