Quote:
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Originally Posted by Martian
There's a question that's remained unasked, so I feel bound to ask it now.
Why do you want to change?
The thing is, some people are introverted by nature and there's nothing wrong with that. In extreme cases, it can impede living your life (social anxiety), in which case change is clearly desirable. Other than that.. well, it's okay to want to change and I'm not meaning to imply otherwise. But the question to ask is whether you think changing is going to make you a happier person. Are you doing this for yourself, or because it's what's expected of you?
Never change who you are for someone else. It's not worth it.
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RESPONSE
First of all, sorry for the late response and lack of updates in the last week (I had my first round of midterms).
Ok. Martian, this post had me thinking quite a bit and really question myself. I had actually written a response to this post on Thursday night which was lost after my computer froze (that was very frustrating). But I'm starting again now.
Well, you pretty much nailed it. I'm doing this in part for my GF. Actually... Let me explain. In terms of social....-ness, my GF and I are complete opposites. She hasn't directly said that she wants me to be more social, but being around her basically shows me all that I'm missing out on. Ignorance is bliss (or at least it was...). I get depressed when I think of how very very very few friends I have, and being with her is a constant reminder of that. It's sad.
Let me dig a little deeper. I'm also quite quite socially awkward. Or at least I can be. There are times when I do fine in social situations, and there are other times when I absolutely crash and burn. I know we all have our ups and downs, but I have more downs than the normal person. So many downs in fact, that it gets in the way of daily life. In high school, I was pretty much clueless and never developed any social skills at all. College has helped a lot, but I still have a very long way to go.
So to answer your question, I'm doing this to improve myself and to start living my life again. I'm the biggest fan of not having friends and being socially awkward a lot. It's just not fun. Even if this whole quest was initiated (indirectly) by my GF, the biggest benefactor will still be me. And I don't have a whole lot to lose (the risk reward ratio is too good to pass up)
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To those who have said that I only want what I can't have, don't get me wrong, I see your point, but hear this: I believe that a person's happiness is directly proportional to the amount of healthy relationships he/she has with other people. I consider this as fact. And by building stronger and healthier relationships, maybe just maybe I will live a happier and more fulfilling life. Or maybe, if I do accomplish these goals of mine, I will only become complacent with things again... Oh, life.
UPDATE
I know a fair amount of people from classes that I study/do hw with, but outside of class, the number of friends I have takes a dive. I've tried reaching out to class friends and making them into more than just class friends. The first step was to start using chat. It was a small step, but I think it helps. I can have conversations online with people I don't know all that well, and it's far less awkward because it's online. It also keeps me occupied when I'm alone and depressing thoughts can creep up on me. That's a plus.
Another thing I've learned in a big way is that in social situations, it's a lot easier when you are interested in the person you are with. Asking them questions and really trying to get to know who the person is really helps. I hope I don't come off as un-genuine when I try to be interested, but the results so far have been good. This seems really obvious. I've heard this before but never really tried it, but after doing so, I've found how true it is. I believe the saying goes: be interested, not interesting.
I think this was due more to sheer luck than to the my efforts to become a social butterfly, but FRI, SAT, and SUN I've arranged to do things with people. Actually, the FRI and SAT arrangements are due entirely to chance, but I will take credit for the SUN one. I made a conscious effort to go further with a class-friend, and I might even meet more people there too. Yay.
I've made it a goal of mine to join the on campus running club to A: stay in shape and B: to meet some folks. They run 4 miles minimum each meeting, so I have to work my way up a bit before I can join. I'll post when I join. Other than that, there are very few clubs on campus that interest me. But I'll keep looking.
QUESTION
Ok, this has been bugging me for a while. Whenever I'm with two people I know, and they don't know each other, I introduce them IMMEDIATELY. This makes things less awkward, and I would hope the two people appreciate my doing this. But it seems, whenever I'm with one person I know, and another person I don't know, but the person I'm with does know (that sounded waaay more complicated than it really is) I never get introductions. I don't know why... And then I feel too awkward to introduce myself. What generally is the way this should go? If I'm not introduced to someone, should I take this as a cue to back off, or to go over there and say hi. Is it hard for people to introduce other people? Is that why people don't do it sometimes? Also, how would this change when there is one new person, and a group of people?