Elphaba

I haven't done a search on this topic because it is far too personal and I need to test my ability to give something back to a friend rather than breaking down from a selfish sense of loss. I hope that anyone here that has gone through this before will offer any advice they might have.

I learned this week that a very close friend and former colleague has less than a year to live due to cancer throughout her body. We last worked together in 1991 and have remained friends for all of these years. We don't get to see each other very often, but we have stayed in touch via email. When my mail to her started bouncing back, I contacted a mutual acquaintance and learned about her health.

She has chosen not to tell anyone other than those who are an everyday part of her life. I have always thought that I would do the same when my time was coming to end, but now I am thinking otherwise. It is so important to me to tell her what I believe she already knows, but I have never spoken the words outloud. I need to tell her that her friendship was the rock that got me through some very difficult times.

My need may be very different than her wish for privacy. I think that I would want to know that I had made a difference in someone's life, but I also do not wish to violate her choice.

My intent is to call her and ask whether she is up for a visit. Would it be better to write and let her choose whether to respond? I want to be respectful of her wishes, but I also believe that her friends should be by her side.

I don't know what to do, but I think I know what I want to say.

Thanks for any advice you might have to offer,

Pen

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"You can't ignore politics, no matter how much you'd like to." Molly Ivins - 1944-2007