Thanks again for all the great responses. I got back from my counseling session (very good today
) and working out, and I am feeling empowered. Your responses are very helpful in sorting things out, too.
Rodney: I'm not even sure if I want the Christmas Card thing anymore, frankly. One of my best friends asked me today, Why do you want even that kind of relationship? I told her... well, I guess it would be so I don't feel so bad about delivering the final blow to this relationship. And that is just being a wuss right there. So, to hell with the Christmas card plan. Rodney, I liked what you said about not wanting someone who will "rearrange the furniture." Great line.
And no, he's not going to get an explanation, unfortunately for him. That's because if I even start to have the dialogue, he will take it and run. And I want to avoid that.
SuppleCow: Thank you for using the word "icky." That is exactly how I feel around this person, and my counselor actually used the same word today in our session! But yeah, I just don't know how to tell someone that I feel icky around them... and in this case, I don't think I even want to try. (See previous paragraph!)
Pigglet: For the record, it's his DVD's that I have... and I don't want them in my house anymore. I've had to carry them everywhere when I move, and I am tired of having them in my collection (never watched them). So yeah, I don't want any trinkets from him. But I agree, that clearing of the air can give birth to new friendship... it's happened before, and faded slowly after that... but in this case, I don't even want to do that. I haven't talked with this person in a year and a half. I don't miss him. And as you said, I've probably been on the receiving end of a situation like this before... but I don't think I've ever taken it so personally/hurtfully. People change. That's life, I figure.
Sweetpea: I really appreciated your post. Wow, you have hit the nail on the head with every paragraph... I'd say you have a real knack for reading people, and I am grateful for your insight. Thank you for your kind and affirming words (as always)
and while I'd like to just walk away from this without taking any more action, I do want closure. During my counseling session today I already made plans to call the guy back ASAP, quickly and quietly make my wishes known (no further relationship), and end it like that. No chance for discussion, no chance for dialogue... because I know that more than anyone, that there's no closure when that happens. Thank you for encouraging me to do that.
Overall, I want to thank you all for being honest with me about my part (not making boundaries), and I want to be clear that I think I have come a long way since I was in college and friends with this person. I had no clue what boundaries were, back then. Today, as Sweetpea said, I think I am much stronger in my self and assertive in my communication about what I need, but this particular friendship was a remnant from an earlier time when I did not know how to do that. I still struggle when I am forced to make a decision like this and hurt people's feelings, but I know I can only really take care of myself first, and it's up to them how to react. I am growing...
Will keep you all updated!