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Here's some more:
Jack Bauer is the 'i' in team.
Nobody says 'hit me' when Jack Bauer deals Blackjack.
If everyone on "24" followed Jack Bauer's instructions, it would be called "12".
It's no use crying over spilt milk... Unless that was Jack Bauer's milk. Oh you are so screwed.
When life gave Jack Bauer lemons, he used them to kill terrorists. Jack Bauer fucking hates lemonade.
If it tastes like chicken, looks like chicken, and feels like chicken, but Jack Bauer says its beef. Then it's fucking beef.
Jack Bauer played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.
Jack Bauer once won a game of Connect 4 in 3 moves.
Jack Bauer was never addicted to heroin. Heroin was addicted to Jack Bauer.
On a high school math test, Jack Bauer put down "Violence" as every one of the answers. He got an A+ on the test because Jack Bauer solves all his problems with Violence.
Jack Bauer removed the "Escape" button from his keyboard. Jack Bauer never needs to escape.
Every mathematical inequality officially ends with "< Jack Bauer".
Killing Jack Bauer doesn't make him dead. It just makes him angry.
When Google can't find something, it asks Jack Bauer for help.
When President Palmer quit to start doing Allstate commercials, it took him 43 takes before he could stop saying, "You're in good hands with Jack Bauer".
When Jack Bauer was a child, he made his mother finish his vegetables.
Drive-Thru's are open for 24 hours because if Jack Bauer wants a chalupa,
goddamnit Jack Bauer gets a chalupa.
Jack Bauer arm once wrestled Superman. The stipulations were the loser had to wear his underwear on the outside of his pants.
When you open a can of whoop-ass, Jack Bauer jumps out.
In 96 hours, Jack Bauer has killed 93 people and saved the world 4 times. What the fuck have you done with your life?
Jack Bauer can get McDonald's breakfast after 10:30.
Nike doesn't show Jack Bauer advertisements because they know he'll "do it" when he's goddamn ready.
When Jack Bauer goes to the airport and the metal detector doesn't go off, security gives him a gun.
There are no such thing as lesbians, just women who never met Jack Bauer.
When the boogie man goes to sleep, he checks his closet for Jack Bauer.
Due to Jack Bauer, no one looks forward to the weekend anymore, they look forward to the weekend being over, and watching 24 on Monday.
Your attraction to Jack Bauer in no way affects your sexual orientation.
If you're holding a gun to Jack Bauer's head, don't count to three before you shoot. Count to 10. That way, you get to live 7 seconds longer.
Men are ok with their wives fantasizing about Jack Bauer during sex; because they are doing the same thing.
Jack Bauer uses #1 pencils on standardized tests.... Jack Bauer doesn't associate with anything that is #2.
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I got in a fight one time with a really big guy, and he said, "I'm going to mop the floor with your face." I said, "You'll be sorry." He said, "Oh, yeah? Why?" I said, "Well, you won't be able to get into the corners very well."
Emo Philips
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