yellowchef

Ok, so Im always stuck at a rock in a hard place. Like why in the world do my feelings do this to me? So Im not perfect, kiss my big toe. Really, anyone who could make me think twice about my future(specifically that dream job you're chasing) I WOULD DEFINITELY TAKE A LONG HARD LOOK AT! I've changed, I'm not the person who belongs in a 6x9, I'm the person who belongs next to you. Nobody is perfect, we just have different flaws. When you word your questions funny and I give you an "evasive and funny answer" get out of asshole cop interrigation mode and think like a normal man. I'm not interested in fucking around. Compared to you I'm a saint in that department. Yes, you hold my sins over me, I'm holding yours over you. Yes I'm moving in June but must you eliminate all possibility of anything because of that. Nothing is set in stone but I DONT HAVE ANYTHING WORTH STAYING FOR DOWN HERE. You could be it but you never know until you try. I'm not leaving to get away from you, nor am I looking to "replace" you and I'm over the fuckbuddy phase. I'm not going to let you go without a fight but no matter how tarnished my past is you should take me as I am now. If I wanted to hide anything from you I wouldn't have told you and we wouldn't be in this boat. I have great remorse in my past decisions, I have nobody to blame but myself. I've changed and you can see that. Get off your high horse. Youre an awesome person, Id take you home to my family and I dont often do that. Yes, all my bf's have met or talked to my family but most have been by force and not by choice. No I dont love you(in the romantic way but I do love and care for you as a person) so dont put words in my mouth. I LIKE you, the last time I spent all night on the phone with someone, we got engaged. I feel like Ive known you forever. You're cuddly, deal with it tough guy.

The things you say to me stick with me. Telling me that you've applied for some high level security jobs and you might go back to Iraq is fine. Its cool that you want to do that. I just want you to know that when you say you might be over there for a year and you ask me if I want truth or sugar coated answers about the conditions and you tell me that I shouldnt worry Im going to let you know what I think. Its how I am. I want the truth and I can t help it, Ill just worry. Just to let you know this is how I see it... if I were in your shoes I dont think I would tell just anyone those things. I might mention the types of jobs Ive applied for but I wouldnt go into detail. I miss you. A lot.

The sex, it was beyond amazing. I trust you and that has a lot to do with it. I didn't feel pressured..I really didnt plan to spend 4 hours at your house that night...you talk a lot of shit. You do back it up though. I don't know why I miss you so much, I shouldn't. I don't miss you because of the sex, I miss you because before we even had our clothes off and we were tickling/wrestling with one another and we were tangled up in each others arms I felt good. I felt happy.

I keep telling myself I knew I should have run. We wouldn't be in this awkward situation if I had just gotten dressed and left. Never looked back, never called, never IMed. I wouldn't feel so torn up about revealing my past to you, about hearing the disappointment in your voice... and just visualising the look on your face. I felt miserable, it was a hard thing to tell you, especially over the phone. For 2 days I felt like I had just let you down.. I cant change my past love but I can build a better future.

Youre still cuddly, tough guy. I still want you; mind, body and soul.

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the voices in your head are not real--but they still have some really great ideas.

always remeber you can choose your friends, but you can't choose your family. But..you CAN choose the insane asylum where you have them all put away!