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Jack Bauer Facts
Upon hearing that he was played by Kiefer Sutherland, Jack Bauer killed Sutherland. Jack Bauer gets played by no man.
If Jack Bauer was in a room with Hitler, Stalin, and Nina Meyers, and he had a gun with 2 bullets, he’d shoot Nina twice.
Jack Bauer killed 93 people in just 4 days time. Wait, that is a real fact.
Jack Bauer got Hellen Keller to talk.
Jack Bauer’s favorite color is severe terror alert red. His second favorite color is violet, but just because it sounds like violent.
1.6 billion Chinese are angry with Jack Bauer. Sounds like a fair fight.
Jack Bauer once forgot where he put his keys. He then spent the next half-hour torturing himself until he gave up the location of the keys.
Jack Bauer doesn’t miss. If he didn’t hit you it’s because he was shooting at another terrorist twelve miles away.
If you get 7 stars on your wanted level on Grand Theft Auto, Jack Bauer comes after you. You don’t want to get 7 stars.
Jack Bauer’s gun is actually a water pistol, but the water shoots out in the form of bullets. Why? Because the gun is being held by Jack effing Bauer.
As a child, Jack Bauer’s first words were “There’s no time!”
While being ‘put under’ in the hospital, Jack Bauer can count backwards from 100 every time. This annoys the doctors.
Every time Jack Bauer yells “NOW!” at the end of a sentence, a terrorist dies.
Don’t ask what Jack Bauer would do for a Klondike bar…
Superman wears Jack Bauer pajamas.
Jack Bauer is the leading cause of death in Middle Eastern men.
Lets get one thing straight, the only reason you are conscious right now is because Jack Bauer does not feel like carrying you.
Jack Bauer demands commercial breaks. Otherwise terrorists die too quickly.
Jack Bauer never takes a crap. The only thing he eliminates is people.
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I got in a fight one time with a really big guy, and he said, "I'm going to mop the floor with your face." I said, "You'll be sorry." He said, "Oh, yeah? Why?" I said, "Well, you won't be able to get into the corners very well."
Emo Philips
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