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I think it's a combination of the mentioned factors.
People--not just women--want what they can't have. It's in our nature. Doesn't mean we're all boyfriend-stealing hussies (ahem), but the unattainable has a tendency to be built up into something very, very attractive.
Add to that the presumed "safety" of the taken guy, and that attraction can get expressed in fun, flirty ways that are enjoyable for everyone involved. Well... maybe not so much for the girlfriend.
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