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Shouldn't I want them to be strong and self-reliant?
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Why? I'm definitely with you in this boat, and I think it's an entirely natural function of gender roles. I envision a relationship as two puzzle pieces fitting together, not two squares being connected into a rectangle. If you're both strong and independent and basically "the shit.." what do you gain from the relationship? Mal is right in pointing out that it shouldn't be a NEED, but there should be things that you like to do better than she does, and things she likes to do better than you do. If you both hated driving, who would drive when you needed to go somewhere? You'd be fighting over who got to do the thing that neither of you liked. However, what if one of you liked to drive and one of you didnt like to drive? In this case, the liker gets to do exactly what they like, and the not-liker gets to avoid doing something they don't like to do. My girlfriend is probably in the "strong and self-reliant" category, but she also lets me play my "man game" and be the protector, even if its only for show. It's not that she NEEDS me, only that the trait is valued and occasionally used that makes it work.
You've clearly identified yourself as someone who likes to be the Protector (or Guardian? Take a Myer's-Brigg's personality test) and that's entirely fine. Likewise, you're correct in identifying that someone who will fit what you LIKE to do is someone who LIKES to be protected. They can certainly be capable of defending themselves (mentally, physically, etc..) but that doesn't mean they have to like it. What I'm saying is that you don't have to go to physically or mentally frail -- but at least find someone who will value and appreciate the fact that you like to lead/control/protect/however you define it.