Muahaha my evil coffee plan is coming into fruitation, soon us non addicts will rule over you!
/evil laugh
I think this belongs in paranoia (because of your predictions, not the article).
Edit: But seriously, ya'll realize being addicted is not a good thing?
And that you really should strive to be without it. Why would you intentionally want a weakness? I have no problem getting up in the morning, and I'm healthier for it.