|
**Warning could be rambling because of brainstorming and ideas being thrown out**
Gilda, I think that you are happy in those moments because that is what you enjoy. Moments can bring happiness too. When I'm feeling down, I get lost in one of my happiest memories. JJ, Alcina (his daughter), and I went to a secluded beach about a month after we got married. We made sandcastles, ran in the surf, had a picnic, and just enjoyed each other's company. There was no stress and there were no worries. When I meditate that is my happy place.
While outside stimulus and situations can make you feel happy it is temporary and dependant on those people or things. To actually obtain true happiness that stays with you, you have to have it within you. It's hard to explain and I can't pinpoint exactly what it is for me. It's just something that took about 2 years to get and I have to work at maintaining it. It's almost like Buddhism and finding Nirvana or inner peace.
My family was the main reason for my problems too. They weren't physically abusive, but they did a number on me mentally. Sissy probably deals with it differently and she is younger than you isn't she? That could also be a difference. However, it sounds like she is enjoying life as a whole, where you focus on independent circumstances. Neither one of you is right or wrong, it is just how people are. You will just need to go a different route.
Oh, and as for your social anxiety, I think that you may be beating yourself up over this and struggling with it. Personalities are hard to change. My biggest issue with my personality is that I'm a very lethargic person. I sleep a lot. I used to fight myself over this and beat myself up for sleeping so much. My therapist said that there are 2 types of people. One person can run fine on very little sleep, other people need more sleep to function. Neither personality is right, I just happen to be the person that needs more sleep. Once I accepted this, I don't sleep as much. It's strange, but once you stop obsessing over a 'flaw' and accept it as a part of you it seems to disappear.
I don't know if any of my words help you or not. I'm just brainstorming and throwing out ideas. If you want me to stop just let me know. I know that advice is wonderful, but some can be unwelcomed. I just like to help. I hate to see people in the situation I was in. It was hell for me and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. When I was there, it seemed like a dark cloud devouring me and I thought I would never shake it.
__________________
Whatever did happen to your soul?
I heard you sold it
Choose Heaven for the weather and Hell for the company
|