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Originally Posted by simivin
Everyone comments about me visiting Sarah the day after Cheery leaves. It was completely spontaneous and unplanned. I got online, she asked me where I had been for the last week, found out I was in DC, and asked me to this thing at a bar. I said ok -- and almost didn't end up going because I got lost and was late. Sure, Cheery could look at it and say it was suspicious, or insensitive, or whatever; however, that's where I had wanted her to trust that I wasn't doing anything, or going behind her back.
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This, right here, is why you are incompatible, at least at this time in your lives. You both have very different wants and expectations of a relationship.
From what I can see, and from my own perspective as a woman,
Cheery wanted you to be the kind of guy who didn't do "spontaneous and unplanned" things with other girls. Maybe she wouldn't mind you hanging out with them, but she would have liked for you to clear it with her first, or at least think about how it would affect her, or invite her along (dead horse). Being spontaneous and unplanned is not an excuse in this situation, if you KNEW how Cheery would react (which it sounds like you did).
On the other hand,
you wanted her to trust everything you decided to do, even if it hurt her (perhaps because of her insecurity). You know that being who Cheery was, she could probably never trust everything about you and a female friend. Yet you proceeded in hopes that she would have changed everything about who she was, when all along, she was proceeding hoping that *you* would change everything about who you are (that you would consider her feelings before hanging out with another woman).
Incompatibility, my friend. Sometimes it can be overcome, with large amounts of sacrifice/compromise. But sometimes it's best to just call it what it is and try to move on. Yes, as long as you are posting massive posts on this thread, you are still very much in mourning. But it will get better.
Again, I am sorry. It just sucks, for a long time.