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Sim...
...you are way too ambiguous. You talk like sorting things out with Sarah wasn't something that's in your control, like it's up to some mystical force to decide when things will magically sort themselves out. If you REALLY loved Cheery, and you wanted to try to make it work, you would have made a meeting between her and Sarah happen, but you never did for fear of shit hitting the fan. Or hadn't you heard, love is only a word, the act of love is sacrificing for those we care about.
I really don't want to be mean here, and I'm not trying to flame you, but honestly your behavior disgusts me-- 'oh, I feel so bad, I fucked all this up, I wish it would have worked out'. And, directly quoting you, "At least now Cheery can find someone without such baggage and who can give her what she deserves. What else is really left to say?" Dude, what are you a piece of drift wood? You control your life, and the fact that you have chosen to wallow in your self perceived powerlessness is just pathetic.
You just lost a presumably great girl who loved you a lot because you couldn't be a man. You wanted her to trust you? How is she going to do that when she goes to DC to see you for a week, and the DAY AFTER SHE LEAVES you go and visit this girl? Like I said before, if you really wanted to make this work, you would have made a meeting happen, for better or for worse, because it was crucial to the survival of your relationship. She didn't trust you? You are a hypocrite because you didn't trust her either, as evidenced by your ACTIONS. Talk is cheap and words are wind. You know deep down what you want, so be honest about it and go out and get it. Get Sarah, or don't get her--make the choice, and live with it. Don't leave any questions left to ask when the case is finally closed, so you can be happy knowing it couldn't have turned out any other way.
But until you do that, you will never be happy without some kind of closure. This weird limbo you have Sarah in, combined with your inability to be decisive will ruin every one of your future relationships if you don't resolve this, and you will forever feel helplessly victimized by some nameless force.
If anything, I really hope you learn a lesson from this and recognize that ultimately leaving ambiguous open-ended relationships like this will haunt you your whole life, and the only way to put them to rest is to seize the day, live your life, and find out where that path goes, or perhaps, where it ends.
Surely knowing one way or the other will be more peaceful when you're an old gray man, without a future anymore, and nothing but a past to reflect on where you can either say 'I did everything I wanted to', rather than, 'what if I had done...'
I'm sorry if I've been mean, or offended you, but I hope you look past that and take my advice, because it's meant to help you in the end.
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Dont be afraid to change who you are for what you could become
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