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I don't think that your wanting more freedom in the relationship and cheery wanting more closeness in the relationship was wrong.
As I stated before, I was emotionally cheated on and am still with the same man. While it destroyed the relationship for a while and caused distrust on both sides--long story--we managed to work through it. But, it took a long time to get back to a good place. Sometimes there's relapses but it gets less frequent with time. It took lots of additional fighting, examining every aspect from every possible angle and both perspectives. Was it worth it? Yes. Would I ever be willing to work through something like that again? Hell no. However, as pointed out before this experience for us was a shitty lesson in learning who we are and where we draw the line. In our case though, it wasn't a really good friend. Just someone he knew for about a year. Our solution was that we cut her our of our lives.
In your case however, I have to agree that since you knew Sarah for so long that you shouldn't have had to cut her out of your life in order to enjoy a good relationship with cheery. But, as other people have pointed out, cheery should have met her from the get go. Especially after you realized cheery was going to be a big part of your life. I'm really sorry that you had to learn this lesson in this way. The lesson that people define relationships in different ways and that sometimes you have to sit down and talk about it. The lesson that sometimes one of you has to be willing to compromise a lot more than you thought or end the relationship because your values are completely opposite. It's a hard lesson to learn.
p.s. Not sure if everything I just said makes sense so excuse me if it doesn't. I'm really tired and sort of depressed now with all the crappy memories and feelings this thread has brought up.
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