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simivin · 01-12-2006, 07:22 PM

Thanks, Impetuous, for getting back to me with that. It helps me have a different perspective about things and what I can do better with in the future.

I'm not sure I completely agree, though. I understand and agree with having your SO be the one your go-to person, and to always be there for your SO. But I don't think sharing your pains and joys with someone else necessarily induces an emotional deficit in the relationship, provided, of course, that your SO is still the one you lean on most and that you can or do tell them the same things. Sometimes I think it's important to have other people you can go to and can talk about things with just as I think it's important to find happiness in others, too -- otherwise, there is the risk of being too dependent on one another or not having individual space. Maybe that's the right thing or the intent of relationships, though...as this thread shows, I'm obviously not the expert in that area.

With Sarah and I, it wasn't a "run to tell her first" sort of thing. Sure, she could count on me as a steadfast friend, just like I (kind of) look to her the same way...but I went to Cheery ahead of everyone, including my parents; she knew more about me -- more intimate, emotional details -- than anyone, even Sarah. Was this always the case? There are probably exceptions -- but I can't remember anything in the last 4 or 5 months that would apply. There was pleasure in talking to Sarah, but that was generally derived from A) the fact that our conversations were mostly light-hearted B) while I supported her as her friend, I wasn't as emotionally involved as I was with Cheery, so I could keep my emotions out of it much easier and C) we talked on and off depending on our schedules, so neither of us felt there was a problem if time went by without talking. Of course our conversations were generally happier -- I wasn't invested in Sarah like I was in Cheery. I saw this and understood this.

Was that all emotional cheating? I don't know. You might say yes -- and there might have been times it was. But overall, I don't think so -- although I feel guilty, at this point, that my friend could made me happy sometimes. Oh well. Like I said, though, I'm a talker. Sarah, another friend (guy or girl), it doesn't matter; for the most part, I'm just that open. I guess that's why saying something like, "you should come to me first" makes my desire to do so feel more like an obligation.

And maybe that was one of the differences between Cheery and I, separate from the topic of Sarah. I liked having my own space more than she did; it seemed like I valued independence while in the relationship a bit more, at least at this point. We had talked about it at times, and had tried to address it, but I'm not sure we ever reached a good, stable compromise.

01-12-2006, 07:22 PM	#36 (permalink)
simivin Banned	Thanks, Impetuous, for getting back to me with that. It helps me have a different perspective about things and what I can do better with in the future. I'm not sure I completely agree, though. I understand and agree with having your SO be the one your go-to person, and to always be there for your SO. But I don't think sharing your pains and joys with someone else necessarily induces an emotional deficit in the relationship, provided, of course, that your SO is still the one you lean on most and that you can or do tell them the same things. Sometimes I think it's important to have other people you can go to and can talk about things with just as I think it's important to find happiness in others, too -- otherwise, there is the risk of being too dependent on one another or not having individual space. Maybe that's the right thing or the intent of relationships, though...as this thread shows, I'm obviously not the expert in that area. With Sarah and I, it wasn't a "run to tell her first" sort of thing. Sure, she could count on me as a steadfast friend, just like I (kind of) look to her the same way...but I went to Cheery ahead of everyone, including my parents; she knew more about me -- more intimate, emotional details -- than anyone, even Sarah. Was this always the case? There are probably exceptions -- but I can't remember anything in the last 4 or 5 months that would apply. There was pleasure in talking to Sarah, but that was generally derived from A) the fact that our conversations were mostly light-hearted B) while I supported her as her friend, I wasn't as emotionally involved as I was with Cheery, so I could keep my emotions out of it much easier and C) we talked on and off depending on our schedules, so neither of us felt there was a problem if time went by without talking. Of course our conversations were generally happier -- I wasn't invested in Sarah like I was in Cheery. I saw this and understood this. Was that all emotional cheating? I don't know. You might say yes -- and there might have been times it was. But overall, I don't think so -- although I feel guilty, at this point, that my friend could made me happy sometimes. Oh well. Like I said, though, I'm a talker. Sarah, another friend (guy or girl), it doesn't matter; for the most part, I'm just that open. I guess that's why saying something like, "you should come to me first" makes my desire to do so feel more like an obligation. And maybe that was one of the differences between Cheery and I, separate from the topic of Sarah. I liked having my own space more than she did; it seemed like I valued independence while in the relationship a bit more, at least at this point. We had talked about it at times, and had tried to address it, but I'm not sure we ever reached a good, stable compromise.