simivin

Yeah Mantus, I can see the soundness of that statement -- I really regret not introducing Cheery to any of my old high school friends (even though she met many of undergrad/grad friends who were much closer by), especially Sarah. How I wish that would have worked out differently -- that we had gotten Sarah's phone call over break asking us to lunch, or that Cheery had had a car earlier, or whatever. What I wouldn't give to do just that much more for you and us. I won't go into great detail about the meeting Sarah situation, but from my end, I had very mixed messages over time, not to mention a fear of even mentioning Sarah's name; furthermore, while I accept it as my failure, the reality is that either of us could have brought up meeting Sarah at any time we were in DC -- unfortunately, I'm not sure I thought about that, specifically, in the week before Cheery left. And as for (spontaneously) hanging out with her that night, that is what perhaps hurt the most: that Cheery so quickly accused (or that's how it felt) me of being sketchy. I am one of the least sketchy and most honest people I know, and am widely considered a very honorable person. Any "sketchiness" is just unfortunate naivete, or innocence, or trying to do something right that goes wrong.

Interestingly enough, my dad had a very good point. What was the rush? Time would have worked things out and Cheery could/would have eventually met Sarah. Furthermore, when I move across the country after grad school (and Sarah will be moving soon too), we wouldn't see each other hardly at all, so there is even less interaction. If Cheery and I had been patient, and avoided such painful fights about someone, things could have been so much better.

Me too, me too. But why was it ok for many of your friends to be guys, but my one good friendgirl be such a problem? Because of feelings or wondering? Because you didn't trust her? I didn't have to trust any of your guyfriends, but I did trust you. As for Sarah -- I trust her, and almost certainly would have ended the friendship if she violated that trust; furthermore, if she manipulated me, I would feel like a douche and break off the friendship as well. I will ask one specific question, too all readers, in regards to this. People agree that men and women can be just friends. If you wonder periodically or have fading questions, does that mean you are not just friends, especially when you have not and will not do anything while in a relationship? Or does that intrinsically violate the "friendship" level? Just curious what folks would think. Obviously, if wondering means you aren't just friends, then I guess Sarah and I weren't just friends; however, if the opposite applies, then we were.

As for Sarah, who knows what is up with that -- I'm playing it by ear. Ironically, I haven't even decided whether or not I will go to this company event -- it's almost too weird right now (that's the irony -- that it would have made me feel less weird while I was dating Cheery). Even if I do go, or do see her (I haven't really seen or talked to her for 3 weeks), I'm not sure it will go anywhere A) because I'm still upset and thinking about Cheery and B) because my confidence, and confidence in my relationship abilities, is low C) because the thought kind of weirds me out at this point D) because I don't know if I want to risk the friendship, which due to A and B, is a very real possibility. Or, maybe it would be good -- maybe she's right for me, or at the very least this same problem could be avoided in the future. Who knows...but I think it discredits me to think that I just wanted to run off and date this girl. I am much more grounded and logical than that.

Really, in retrospect, I should have just done what Cheery wanted -- about the dance, about everything. I regret that we both got so upset about things and failed to look at the situation and understand that it was something that could have been resolved without such emotional trauma over so much time (if you go all the way back to September). I realize that many girls would not have handled the dance question well, so Cheery's reaction wasn't an abberation -- I wish I had thought about it and not been such a stubborn guy, thinking it was no big deal. I have been beating myself up about it non-stop since. I can't take it back, now, but at least I have learned much from this...about myself, about girls, and about relationships...as much of a consolation as that may be, at this point.

Thank you to all the posters -- I (and I'm sure Cheery) appreciate the honesty of the responses. If there are any more thoughts, please keep them coming.

Thanks,
Sim

And yes Cheery /I don't want this to seem like Cheery and I are arguing on this forum -- I think that each of us sharing our sides and our perspectives helps complete the story, which is only right and fair. Ultimately, I think, it also shows the degree of misunderstanding about how/why each other was thinking and feeling. That -- more than Sarah -- might have been the underlying deminse of our relationship.