Tachion

What a day!
If it wasn't for the fact I was using an IPod I wouldn't be the whole person I am today. Let me tell you of the horrors I endured and how this simple product saved the things I hold dearest in this world.

I am a rather tall and slender man and enjoy nature walks and days at the beach. I had just enjoyed a swim and decided to take a slow walk in the neighboring park while being inspired by Beethoven's 5th symphony being played on my IPod.

Now this is a well traveled park and the animals, squirrels in particular, are quite tame - or at least I thought they were.

I had been walking for some time and had passed a few squirrels who were looking up at me with a longing look. I regretted that, wearing only my swim trunks that I had nothing to offer them. I was thinking how unfortunate those poor squirrels must be, not being able to realize that one cannot pull food from thin air. As the music was coming to an end and I stopped to select the next piece of music on my IPod.

This is when the horror began. Out of the co.....sniff.....

I'm sorry but I have to stop typing while I regain my composure..

Sniff...That's better..

Out of the corner of my eye I saw the first squirrel make its move. He placed his little claws into my left leg and had this incredible focused and crazed look in his eyes. The same look as a child has when you take them to a candy store and they see that lollipop they have always dreamed about.

I hadn't yet realized the significance of that look of utter delight the squirrel displayed.

It seems that, from a squirrels perspective, when wearing a loose fitting swim trunk, that I resemble a walnut tree with two rather yummy looking walnuts. I watched in horror as the squirrel was entranced by his good fortune. It was then I felt a searing pain. I can only describe it as the pain you would feel if someone tried to pull your tongue out your rear.

It appears that I did not notice another squirrel had already positioned himself to jump and harvest one of the `walnuts`. My high pitched and shrill scream seemed to have temporarily paralyzed both squirrels.

They probably were not expecting this reaction from a walnut tree.

I am fortunate enough to have taken a self defense course and Hawaiian dancing while in high school. My cat like reflexes sprung into action. I twisted my hips as no Hawaiian has ever twisted them before. This dislodged the squirrel from his perch and he released his prize. Working from sharpened instinct, I quickly thrust the IPod into the mouth of the dazed squirrel I initially saw. The crunching sound made my eyes water as I could not help to think of what that would have felt like!

My screams and physical distortions seemed to have caught the attention of passersby. Some were staring, while others were gathering up their children and clutching them to their chest. I discovered later that they did not see the squirrels. They only saw my cat like reflexes. This appears to have caused them some concern.

Well needless to say I have ample evidence on how an IPod have saved the things most precious to me.

I heartily recommend using an IPod to all my friends and have taken to wearing tightly fitting swim wear.