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I think it sounds good and is a well-written peice, except for a couple grammatical errors.
First off, you shouldn't put words between helping verbs and verbs like in your first sentence. The words "has" and "arrived" should not be seperated by "after a typically movie-esque development cycle of some three hype-filled years" and "finally." You might want to try rearanging it like "has arrived finally, after a typically..."
Second off, "Click on a hapless wannabe queuing at your stage school, drop him in the ‘actor’ room, and bingo, another star is born" needs to be two sentences. "Click on a hapless wannabe queuing at your stage school, drop him in the ‘actor’ room, and bingo," is a complete sentence, and "another star is born," is a complete sentence. So, I would try writing it as two different sentences.
Third off, in the statement, "…the game focuses on picking out decorations for your studio lot, and managing your star’s moods, like a Hollywood remake," the comma in between "lot" and "and" should not be there because "managing your star’s moods, like a Hollywood remake…" is not a complete sentence.
Other than that, I think this peice shows that you have put a lot of effort into this. Good luck with it.
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Skin-tight jeans
Hair dyed red
Ruby lips
Smokey eyes
She's the mask
For your masquerade
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