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Originally Posted by TheBrit
Thanks guys.
Birth control is me using a condom.
Martian, your final factor is probably something to do with it in some way. She's too uptight to actually relax and get into things, she won't let me go down on her because she's afraid of how she'll seem to me, if I'm helping her in other ways she wants to know if it's boring for me, if her being wet is disgusting to me, etc. I can't seem to reassure her otherwise. The more I think about this, the more it's possibly a problem.
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So now you have an avenue to explore as to why she doesn't want to have sex. This is a good thing.
On the other hand, her hang ups are hers to deal with. You can't make her be okay with you going down on her or anything of the sort. You can reassure her that you do want to, that you find it very erotic when she gets wet becase of what you're doing and that you think she is the hottest thing on two legs, but ultimately she's the one who needs to let go and relax a little bit.
That being said, a bit of a soft touch may be in order. If she doesn't like oral/manual, try using other techniques. Women are strange and fabulous creatures; it is entirely possible to cause a girl to orgasm without going anywhere near her vagina/clitoris. Kissing and massaging are a good place to start.
Another thing to try might be to ask her to masturbate for you. Tell her how erotic you find it to think of her touching herself and how nothing would turn you on more than watching her get herself off. Encourage her during the act; it seems cheesy before hand to think of saying 'oh yeah baby, I love watching you touch yourself, it's so hot!' but in the moment it's quite another situation. If she gets herself off as part of the foreplay that will help her relzx and it will also give you important clues as to what really revs her motor, so that when it's your turn to try you've got a head start.
The thing about sex is that it's highly mental. If she's nervous or uptight, she's not gonna come and if she doesn't come and doesn't get a lot of pleasure out of it, her motivation to do it is reduced. She's more or less having sex at this point to please you and that is not how it should work. She needs to learn to relax. You can help her, but ultimately it's up to her to realize that there's nothing dirty or wrong about it.
I personally love going down on a girl, provided that she keeps up with hygiene. I can think of nothing I'd rather do in the bedroom. That sort of mentality is natural to me, but it can be taught too. You can psyche yourself up for it, thinking about how hot it is to get her off, how she sounds, etc. And if you're clearly enthusiastic about it that will help her realize that it's something you really want to do and therefore is a good thing.
Good luck.