Jesseboy

I am very interested to see what advice you folks can offer me regarding this situation...

Unfortunately, I do not like drinking with my girlfriend at all. If I had a choice between going out with my girlfriend to a bar and drinking the night away or having my fingernails removed with pliars, it would be a tough choice.

The problem, however, is that I wish I didn't feel this way - and I love her very much.

I suppose I should give a bit of background information to help you understand where I am coming from. First of all, I am not averse to drinking in general - I myself go out to the bars usually once a week. Typically, I do get drunk, although I honestly don't believe I am the typical drunk male. I am still pretty quiet, and still have complete control over myself. I don't drink and drive, and always take a taxi home. I don't get black out drunk or act belligerant, I simply kick back and have a good time.

Getting on to the main topic, I have my reasons, which I hope are justified, as to why I don't like drinking with my girlfriend. I'll also try and provide examples, that way I can get some objective opinions and hopefully find out if I am overreacting.

First of all, and this is my most major concern at this point - my girlfriend is very petite, and on top of that, she has a very low tolerance. This is likely attributed to the fact that she doesn't drink all that often. I recently discovered - New Year's Eve - that after a relatively nominal amount of alchohol, she blacks out. I never knew this before, and only recently found this out because while discussing what we did only a few short hours after it happened last night she didn't even remember what bars we visited, or who we talked to. She honestly believed that I was messing around with her when I told her we went to a particular bar, and only after I specifically described what we did there and who we talked to did she recollect that we even went there.

Additionally, another big concern for me is what she wears. I like to think that I am not the jealous type, although after reading this you may disagree - but she normally wears very revealing clothing when she goes out. I understand that this is pretty typical of young adults our age, but it bothers me. I have discussed this with her several times - I would never take the role of saying what she can or cannot wear, but I was curious as to her reasons behind it. Originally, she denied that she specifically wore revealing clothing (which is blatently false) and basically said that she feels she looks "nice." I agree wholeheartedly - she looks smoking hot. Hell, if I didn't know her, I'd definately hit on her if I saw her in a bar - which is what many guys do, even when I am sitting next to her. Whenever I leave (to go get a drink, to go take a leak, etc) when I come back, there is almost always a guy talking to her. I don't mean to give you the impression that she is unfaithful, but I feel her choice of clothing definately attracts additional attention - and she knows it. However, she dresses the same both when she goes out with me or when she goes out with her girlfriends, which will play a role momentarily. After giving it some thought, I figured that she was likely attracting the attention of other people simply to boost her self esteem - after all, it is flattering to know that you are wanted by other people. The next time we had a conversation about it, I brought this up as a possible reason. She said that that was a part of it, but she also was dressing like that for me as well - she thought that I would like the fact that other guys would be jealous of me. To be honest, I really don't care one way or another, but I suppose I can understand where she is coming from. However, like I said before, this can't be all that big of the reason simply because she dresses like this whether I am there or not.

Re-reading what I just wrote, I'd like to clarify a few things. I believe there is a very small chance of her ever cheating on me - and I'd say none at all, but alchohol is involved. The reason this bothers me so much isn't simply because guys are hitting on her - I realize that can't be helped, especially because she is so cute. However, a lot of these guys that hit on her get the wrong impression, and are total fucktards. They'll grab her ass, say the most horrible things, and all around treat her like a slut. I spend most of my night just waiting to defend her from these assholes. It's difficult for me to watch people treat her like a piece of meat - worse, she seems to enjoy it for the most part.

Yet another reason I absolutely dislike drinking with her is she doesn't know when to stop. I feel like I am always ruining her night when we do go out, because I'm always the one that says it's time to go. Granted, you'd think that she'd realize that if she can hardly walk it would be time to stop drinking, but when she's hammered she just wants to continue. Not only that, but because she is so small and has such a low tolerance, pretty much every time we drink she gets hammered. Most of the time when we go out, when we get home, she has to spend the next few hours trying not to vomit because she has "the spins" It isn't really all that great of a way to end an evening out... nearly every time you go out.

Additionally, often time when she gets drunk she gets very sexual - and makes stupid decisions. I have actually had to stop her from unbuckling her pants so someone could take a photo of her ass. I imagine that she dances with guys in a manner I wouldn't really approve of when I'm not out with her (although don't take that as fact, as I don't know for certain) but other examples include her flashing people, running down the street naked, etc. I understand that it is relatively harmless fun, but I am not comfortable with it at all. Other people seeing her naked, or having her grind her ass on some guys crotch isn't appealing to me at all. In fact, nearly every one of our major fights have been about something that happened while she was drinking. Granted, we argue about stupid little things occasionally, but every relationship threatening fight that we have had has typically had to do with her actions while she was drinking. The one major fight that doesn't fall into that category was a trust issue.

Another reason I don't like drinking with her is because she gets extraordinarily emotional when she is drunk. Very, very seldom she fall asleep after a night of drinking without crying about something. Although I have definately attributed to it some evenings, she'll usually find something to cry about. For instance, one time I told her I didn't really like her shoes (they were just obnoxious. Mainly, every time she takes a step half a dozen LEDs flash rapidly for a few moments) and she took such offence to it and was hurt so much by my comment that she cried for several hours. I had no idea that it was a big deal. I didn't make the comment to hurt her, and had no idea on the effect it was going to have.

I think the root of the problem is she almost seems to idolize drinking. She seems to think that it will automatically be much more fun if alchohol is involved, and that there aren't any consequences if she has been drinking. To be perfectly honest, I think she believes that every night we go out the evening should resemble something similar to what you would see on MTV.

I find it very, very difficult, or maybe even impossible, to go out and relax and have a good time. Whenever we are out, I don't drink very much simply because I feel as though I need to protect her from the assholes that approach her - something I would much rather do sober. It has never gotten physical, but it has come very close on a couple of occasions. Please don't get the impression that I am looking for a fight or think that every guy that approches her is an asshole, but sometimes some people take it to the extreme. Making a comment about her is one thing, but actually grabbing her is another.

I don't mean to give the impression that our relationship is on the rocks at all, we typically get along just fine and we both love each other very much. However, if it were up to me, alchohol would be eliminated from our lives completely - it seems that whenever alchohol is present, trouble in our relationship is soon to follow, and I'd hate to lose her over something so stupid as drinking.

Does anyone else feel this way with their S/O? Am I being an overprotective boyfriend, or just an asshole myself? Are my reasons justified, or am I just a stick in the mud? Any ideas on how I can feel differently about the situation?

Any help or advice you can offer would be much appreciated...