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Hey guys, I’ve been following this thread rabidly the past few weeks, but I thought I’d wait for a while before I posted an update, so Id actually have something to tell you. Right after my last post (where I informed you of my little revenge) I went into exams. Heres the catch with exams: I’m in two of this girl’s classes, and we know absolutely nobody else in either. Both are advanced bio classes and require some level of cooperation to understand the material. Our study sessions allowed some warmness to creep back into our exchanges, and we allowed that warmness to progress to all day post exam fuck fests. Yeah. Let me explain my reaction and I’ll try to use as little metaphysical- psycho babble bull shit as possible… but it may be hard.
-First, this girl is in love with me again. She loved me through out our relationship but I haven’t seen her actually head over heals since freshman year. I have felt pretty much the same the whole time, so It was amazingly empowering not to be the needy one anymore, to have some power, to see her as star struck as me.
-Second, it was great sex. This shouldn’t be a surprise, our entire relationship has changed, its like screwing a whole new person (yet not).
-Third, she managed to tell me what the hell was really going on in her family situation. It wasn’t just the normal run of the mill messed up family stuff she mentioned before. I wont go into details, but its bat-shit-crazy Jerry Springer stuff.
So I’m left in a complicated situation. I’m not naïve enough to think that her family trauma justifies her actions. But it does require me to re-think my reaction. She is an emotionally guarded person, she doesn’t like to talk to people about her problems, and this particular event was so extreme It would be embarrassing to tell someone anyway. I have no goddamn idea how I would have reacted to the same news; probably by seeking out mental health care. I can understand how she felt she needed me as a crutch, despite her growing want of a break. I was the closest thing she had to a family, and she wasn’t going to give me up even though she was feeling increasingly like she wanted to enjoy college life and see other people. I really believe this situation led her (at least partly) to cheat. Her actions were not motivated by personal malice or weakness of moral character.
That being said, I’m still fucking angry. I’m still distrustful, I still know that she could have acted differently, and that no matter what, this is still partly on her. I told her after those post exam days, that I need space, and that I still don’t plan on speaking with her for a while. That being said, I told her that I’m a human being, who cares for her, and will be there for her if she needs to talk about her family. The situation is still developing.
Probably the greatest gift of this past 2 weeks has been the slow realization that I have NO idea what is going to happen next. I can’t predict it, and I don’t have to. I’ve relaxed all expectations, and am willing to let tomorrow come as it will. I really cant wait to meet a cute girl in the next weeks of vacation, I feel weirdly ready.
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