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Originally Posted by abaya
My only question is, particularly to Raeanna... about your brother's relationship. You said he has thought about swinging, but that you feel their relationship is not strong enough to handle it. I wonder, for swingers, do you see yourselves as having a kind of super-relationship (in terms of degree) while others have weaker relationships; or is it more a matter of a different *kind* of relationship than what others have?
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With regards to my brother's marriage - His marriage almost didn't exist this summer. I've made entries in my journal with regards to their relationship. It is not a healthy one even judging by how average relationships go. Theirs is a violent, constantly arguing, stalking, possessive type. Plus the discussion about swinging occurred within the first 6 mo of their marriage.
Most swingers that I know have a couple things that they have worked out in their marriage before they swing. Most swingers that a person will find are in their mid-thirties at the youngest and many are in their 40's. They have open communication, learned to respect each other, and have somewhat healthy self images.
I know of one swinger couple where the woman was very self concious about her breasts which were a size A. She was afraid to even show her breasts in a lot of circumstances and it caused a lot of trouble in their relationship. As far as I am aware they are not currently swinging. I know of one more couple who had very poor communication - the man would make arrangements to meet other couples without running them by his spouse first. He also did not show her much respect in taking her concerns into consideration. They are divorced.
The difference in the kind of relationship needed for swinging is one that is handled in a mature way. Not a super relationship per se but one that both participants are committed to one another and respect each other.
Many times I've heard of a guy who wants to swing and pushed the girl until she feels guilty about saying no. In that kind of situation he is not showing respect for her feelings and she is either not voicing them or he is not listening.