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Year of questioning and Redemption.....
Went through a bitter divorce in that she played the "let's get back together.... no let's don't games...", my job that I love tested me, my friends and I tested loyalties, my health was tested, my faith and my recovery were all tested. Paternity and child support for an 11 year old.
And somehow, not sure how I worked my way through them all. First time in my life,I actually didn't run and hide but fought, learned and did what I had to to survive. And I grew.
The benefits: job is doing well and I am being recognized for my work, I am closer now to the friends that stuck by me, I am getting ready to open my own recovery house (if I get my ass in gear to do what I have to to get it.... my friend is offering it to me on a silver platter and I haven't done what I need to to get it done.) I have grown and realize that what I want to do, is what I truly love and for the first time in my life I truly love my job. My faith and recovery have come out stronger and more focussed than ever, and I am beginning to truly enjoy life again. Plus I have an 11 yr. old son I have to meet and share wisdom and growth with now.
Downfalls: not having a woman in my life, being lonely, health is still questionable and I can not quit smoking much as I try.
But overall I have reedemed myself to not just those who questioned what I wanted or who I was, but myself, for I have that focus and growth and strength now.
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I just love people who use the excuse "I use/do this because I LOVE the feeling/joy/happiness it brings me" and expect you to be ok with that as you watch them destroy their life blindly following. My response is, "I like to put forks in an eletrical socket, just LOVE that feeling, can't ever get enough of it, so will you let me put this copper fork in that electric socket?"
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