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It could be that his dick lacks normal sensitivity. This is the case for me, so I rarely orgasm during intercourse. Ditto for blowjobs. My state of mind plays a role in this, though, so there are times when I orgasmed and ejaculated without any problems or extended lengths of time. However, I usually try to get my partner off first, then ask for some nipple play and a handjob or something. That always does the trick.
Supersteph, don't worry too much about your guy's methods. At least he gets YOU off and makes sure you're satisfied, so I guess if you feel bad that you aren't there (an active participant) when he gets off, tell him to jerk off for you in bed. Touch/kiss/lick him while he does his thing, so you'll be close to him when it finally happens. Also, perhaps he's a clean freak that doesn't like to make a mess, which is why he retreats to the bathroom, or had some bad experiences with masturbation when he was young (got caught/ridiculed/didn't work/etc.), which makes him want to be alone when he gets off.
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A plan is just a list of things that don't happen.
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