Rodney

The Year that Reality Sank In.

I went back to school for a new career, tried to get started in it professionally this year ... and found out that I didn't like it, not as a day-after-day thing. I chose my new career not based on my actual personal preferences, but who I thought I _ought_ to be, personally and ideologically. Well, I turned out not to be that person. And this is not the first time I've made this mistake.

I sometimes put down others for "following somebody else's script" through life, doing what somebody else expected of them even if it didn't make them happy. Well, I write my own scripts, but too often the hero is some version of me that doesn't actually exist.

So what I learned this year is to accept myself as I am. I will never be dynamic, never especially assertive, never somebody who's ready to take quick action or make a quick decision. I will always be thoughtful, consensus-oriented, somewhat shy, willing to lead in the pinch but not forever, and happier doing brain-work at a desk than leading meetings. It's actually good to be me, and I'm going to be satisfied with that from now on.

Now I'm trying to revive the shreds of my previous career and get some money coming in. Doesn't help that the wife is losing her job as well.

Still, I don't want to make the year sound incredibly bad. It wasn't. Too stressful, yes. But anything you learn from is a net win. And I've seen and done some things this year that I never would have done otherwise, and learned how I reacted in certain new situations.

And the wife and I are doing well together; when I walked in and said essentially "You've been supporting me toward this career for two years, and ... I can't do it," she was very supportive. And I'm supporting her in some ventures that 1) might turn into an independent business and 2) are incredibly satisfying to her personally even if they don't.