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KDJ · 12-13-2005, 12:05 PM

I was interested to read people's response to your "issue". The responses tended to be in three categories:

- You have a morality issue (allowing the respondents the self-indulgence of taking the moral high ground)
- Your just "wired" that way - with the following options: Open marriage, continue the behavior, etc...
- Seek therapy - absolutely the best of the three.

This is all my opinion (not fact- just my reality):

As "western" males we are inundated with sexual intrigue throughout our lives- through media- ads, entertainment and pornography as well as our social structure that encourages (and celebrates) sexual promiscuity. The simple fact that pornography is still a thriving business despite what happens to the economy is an indicator of how prevalent it is in our daily lives. I am not "down" on pornography- I'm simply stating a fact.

There are several acknowledged addictions or "diseases" in our society - alcoholism, drugs, gambling, etc... One of the least recognized and acknowledged "disease" is sexual addiction. I believe there is two main reasons for this- sex is recognized as normal and desirable between two adults and there is a lot of deep seated shame in acknowledging that a sexual issue exists. There are two questions that I would encourage anyone that may think they have a problem ask themselves: 1) Do you now, or have you ever, used sex (masturbation, promiscuity) as a coping mechanism- especially early in development. 2) Do you have an overwhelming obsession in your current daily life with sex, pornography, etc... (From your original text, I believe you described your obsession with pursuing other sexual partners pretty well).

If you (or anyone) feel that they have an isolating obsession with sex, it would not matter how much you Love your spouse. Sex addicts actually have a highly developed mechanism to break their lives into separate compartments. Secrets are everything- it is almost as if the person is leading two separate lives. However, what usually happens is- as the sexual addiction takes up more and more of the person's time- the "real" relationship start to suffer.

The best a person in this predicament can hope for is to first be "self-aware", secondly (if they have the means) seek help professionally. Standard HMO's and some psychologists do not recognize the affliction. If you do not have the means to seek professional help- there are several 12-step groups that can greatly assist recovery.

Remember, this is NOT an issue of how much you Love your wife- or how "moral" you may be. This may simply be a lifelong pattern and part of your survival skills.

That is my .02- take it or leave it as it applies, and above all GOOD LUCK.

12-13-2005, 12:05 PM	#59 (permalink)
KDJ Upright	I was interested to read people's response to your "issue". The responses tended to be in three categories: - You have a morality issue (allowing the respondents the self-indulgence of taking the moral high ground) - Your just "wired" that way - with the following options: Open marriage, continue the behavior, etc... - Seek therapy - absolutely the best of the three. This is all my opinion (not fact- just my reality): As "western" males we are inundated with sexual intrigue throughout our lives- through media- ads, entertainment and pornography as well as our social structure that encourages (and celebrates) sexual promiscuity. The simple fact that pornography is still a thriving business despite what happens to the economy is an indicator of how prevalent it is in our daily lives. I am not "down" on pornography- I'm simply stating a fact. There are several acknowledged addictions or "diseases" in our society - alcoholism, drugs, gambling, etc... One of the least recognized and acknowledged "disease" is sexual addiction. I believe there is two main reasons for this- sex is recognized as normal and desirable between two adults and there is a lot of deep seated shame in acknowledging that a sexual issue exists. There are two questions that I would encourage anyone that may think they have a problem ask themselves: 1) Do you now, or have you ever, used sex (masturbation, promiscuity) as a coping mechanism- especially early in development. 2) Do you have an overwhelming obsession in your current daily life with sex, pornography, etc... (From your original text, I believe you described your obsession with pursuing other sexual partners pretty well). If you (or anyone) feel that they have an isolating obsession with sex, it would not matter how much you Love your spouse. Sex addicts actually have a highly developed mechanism to break their lives into separate compartments. Secrets are everything- it is almost as if the person is leading two separate lives. However, what usually happens is- as the sexual addiction takes up more and more of the person's time- the "real" relationship start to suffer. The best a person in this predicament can hope for is to first be "self-aware", secondly (if they have the means) seek help professionally. Standard HMO's and some psychologists do not recognize the affliction. If you do not have the means to seek professional help- there are several 12-step groups that can greatly assist recovery. Remember, this is NOT an issue of how much you Love your wife- or how "moral" you may be. This may simply be a lifelong pattern and part of your survival skills. That is my .02- take it or leave it as it applies, and above all GOOD LUCK.