lullay

I never included an other person in my future plans when I was a kid. Getting married or finding a husband…. Eh, it wasn’t a factor. I was focused on school and my interests, and only peripherally in high school did they involve boys. My parents encouraged me to get out and experience life before settling down, and I would say that I did (but most would say that it wasn’t enough). When I met my future husband, I realized fairly early on that he was “the one” and that we were perfect for each other, too good to pass up. He’s just cool like that. I figured we’d be together for a while, but I didn’t really think about making it official until he asked me to marry him.

We met when I was 18, he 22. We got engaged when I was 19. We had been dating for a little over 9 months and didn’t have the smoothest courtship, so a lot of people assumed it was because I was pregnant. I wasn’t. We’ll get to that eventually, but there are many things we’d like to do first (aka children are still not going to be a factor for a while). We got married while I was still 19 (1 year 3 mos from first date), much to the consternation of my mother (because I was so young). Actually, everyone probably thought that I was too young, but I’m an odd sort of person and I did think it through seriously. I had a few second thoughts and times of introspection during the engagement, but the more I thought about our relationship the more sure I became. Love is one of those weird things that you can never adequately explain, and was the largest part of the reasons I said yes. I love him beyond all rationality, both for his faults and despite them. Beyond love, though, I respect him, and I know that I will not always understand or even like him. I’m okay with that. We always work it out before we go to bed. Communication (and a periodic vacation) is key.

You know, I would not recommend the path I’ve chosen to many people. I’m not really the “party” type and I got a lot of the stupid stuff out of the way my first semester of college. He has an interesting past, but he put all that to rest before he even met me. I am okay with being settled, to the tune of buying a house together 2 months before we got married. I’m 22 now and frankly, I’m amazed how quickly the past 2 1/3 years of marriage have gone. 19 was very young to get married, but I was ready. We’ve had some pretty big fights, but we went to counseling when things got bad. Counseling has helped us deal with the issues that will inevitably come up in a much better way than we would have without the benefit of an impartial person. Things are good now. We both know the value of compromise.

Both sets of our parents are still married to their first and only spouses. My husband is the oldest of nine (it boggles the mind) siblings, I am the elder of two. My husband's oldest sister got married last year, but everyone else aside from his oldest younger brother (recently returned from Iraq and 20 besides) is under 18.

Bottom line, if you don’t have the urge to get married, don’t. It doesn’t matter how old you are, if you’re not ready and willing to make a commitment you shouldn’t. I was ready, but I am weird. All that age stuff is nonsense.