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Okay, maybe not technically one liners. And not mine. But seem to fit here...
"Going to a strip club is like going to a restaurant where I can't eat the food. They just bring by big plates of steamed vegetables and beef, and go, Hey! Don't touch that!" -- Tim Allen, Don't Stand Too Close To a Naked Man
"Last year I entered the LA marathon. I finished last. It was embarrassing.
And the guy who was in front of me, second to last, was making fun of me.
He said, "Hey, Gerry, how does it feel to be last?" I said, "You want to
know?" So I dropped out." -- Gerry Bednob
How many Aquarians does it take to change a light bulb?
Like, why don't you just get out of my face and stop asking me to do all your work for you? I'm, like, really totally sick and tired of you asking me questions.
How many tenors does it take to change a light bulb?
Three - One to do it and two to stand there and tell each other how they could have done it better.
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Wow... Reading your minds here. These are lame!
And I repeat: not mine!
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"There is more room in your head for thoughts than thoughts in your head for room." ~ Runner up in the "This is your new sig" contest...
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10th sig ~> "How many a dispute could have been deflated into a single paragraph if the disputants had dared to define their terms?" -- Aristotle 
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