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Just reread the entire thread for the first time in a while and wanted to put a potential end to the drama here. You've all been so kind, respectful, honest, interested, and consistent, and I wanted to fill you in on what could be the final bout for the time being.
I had her come over tonight and she knew what was in store. We had another good talk like the one the other day while driving. We basically discussed that lingering in a grey area is both harmful to anything we may have in the future as well as harmful to me right now. I reiterated that I didn't want to go my own way from the start and that I'm glad I stuck around, and she told me that she indeed doesn't feel like I'm leaving her or any regret-inducing thing like that. I asked her if she has discovered anything since her initial "confusion" in her life which catalyzed this and she said that she's still pretty ambiguous.
The talk was basically for me to fill up my sanity bucket so that I feel comfortable detaching for a while. I asked questions, she gave honest answers. To me it was kind of a farewell - deep but not too emotional. The interesting part is that again she didn't like this aspect of it. She let me know that she didn't want to fully detach and that she doesn't like the idea / think that rules are necessary ("don't call me" etc.) but that she was willing to try it out for the time being in light of me and our relationship. She also said that she feels like I'm overreacting (not in a offensive tone) in that she said to not get too worked up over it. Don't read that as it probably sounds though, lol. She was basically trying to say that she feels it's not as bad as I'm making it out to be in that she didn't want me creating ideas of leaving her forever and such. When she was leaving, she wanted to get on the move and was standing around but didn't want to leave. She became teary-eyed and reminded me to not "be like that" when I finalized that I consider us fully broken up (keep in mind her dislike of labels..)
Because of these mixed emotional reactions from her I realize that she truely is rather confused and needs to be on her own for a while to prioritize, live, flourish, and maybe wind up back in my arms some day. She has been and is being selfish, but that's ok with me. She's been very honest and willing to listen/meet and I'm just not one to be mad at someone because they're in development. All I asked for from the start was honesty and I think she's given me quite a lot, save some things I would like to know but probably could only have brought about through unnecessary force on my part.
Of course this isn't the end of things, but on the larger scale, I hope it is for the time being. Any comments, criticism, or further advice are all still warmly welcome.
Thanks again for being there guys. You really have helped me develop, not only on a selfish me-level but also on a level that will hopefully have positive effects on family, friends, and strangers alike.
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Embracing the goddess energy within yourselves will bring all of you to a new understanding and valuing of life. A vision that inspires you to live and love on planet Earth. Like a priceless jewel buried in dark layers of soil and stone, Earth radiates her brilliant beauty into the caverns of space and time. Perhaps you are aware of those who watch over your home And experience of this place to visit and play with reality. You are becoming aware of yourself as a gamemaster...
--Acknowledge your weaknesses--
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