Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community - View Single Post - Girlfriend advice needed (is she cheating?)

-Ever- · 12-05-2005, 11:42 AM

Hey guys. Just a new update since you've proven that you actually care :')

Went to Disneyland with her, her friend, and her friend's boyfriend this weekend. I didn't think it was right to go but I said F-it and chose to. Wound up having a good time all in all. On the drive back I decided to ask how she felt about completely breaking off for a while instead of lingering here at 50%. My main reason is that if we linger here too long, we eventually won't want to get back together because we'll be so used to this half-way relationship that we might assume that's how it has always been- cold, uneventful, boring.. I said that if we do want to get back together sometime, it should be a full 100% recreated relationship, re-falling back in love, and the only way this could happen is by completely separating and either realizing we do indeed need/want eachother or we do indeed want to move on.

Other reasons include me constantly wondering what she's doing at night and in the future her probably wondering the same thing for me. We aren't together, but we aren't broken up, but where is the line drawn? She still introduces me as her boyfriend but I can't ask what exactly she's been doing the past three evenings and with who (in a non-pestering kind of way). This drives me nuts and I just can't deal with it. I'd just assume bite the bullet and break off and when I wonder what she's doing, I can sanely remind myself that it's none of my damn business instead of having wild thoughts run through my mind for this 50% girlfriend of mine. Lol, I know, we've gotten ourselves in quite the rut.

I also brought up that I'm going to be going through quite a lot of changes myself the next few months. This 'situation' has really inspired me to re-prioritize my schooling, arts, and friends, and I have a lot of mini-goals set up that will be introducing me to somwhat new lifestyles and new people. I wasn't saying this in any kind of threatening way. Instead, I was just addressing my side of the story and wanted to make sure she knew that there's a decent chance I might be somewhat different, for good or bad in relation to her, if she indeed does want to get back together in the future.

So anyhow, our talk was cut short when we arrived at home and her needing to attend "stuff" for the evening, although we decided to continue our talk later. I think we both know what is next though. I'm preparing myself for a full on ceassation of communication and reliance between the two of us. Of course I'll treat her like a friend if she needs me, but if she needs a ride, call someone else. I need a vent, I'll call someone else. When she's lonely, don't call me. This is what life is like without eachother and do we like it or not...?

So how do you guys feel about this? I've kind of explained ourselves in a nutshell here so I might have left a few important things out. I think I feel pretty good about this. It's of course the bitter-er of the two roads as lingering at 50% at least gives us tastes of eachother here and there and cutting off is harsher up front, but optimistically speaking, it can be a good test of faith I guess. I just fear that walking away might make us think that we don't care for eachother as much as we really do, but I guess that's the whole 'test' part of it...

Thanks to the moon and back for the support and raw, unaltered advice. I really do appreciate it.

-T

12-05-2005, 11:42 AM	#53 (permalink)
-Ever- Junkie Location: San Francisco	Hey guys. Just a new update since you've proven that you actually care :') Went to Disneyland with her, her friend, and her friend's boyfriend this weekend. I didn't think it was right to go but I said F-it and chose to. Wound up having a good time all in all. On the drive back I decided to ask how she felt about completely breaking off for a while instead of lingering here at 50%. My main reason is that if we linger here too long, we eventually won't want to get back together because we'll be so used to this half-way relationship that we might assume that's how it has always been- cold, uneventful, boring.. I said that if we do want to get back together sometime, it should be a full 100% recreated relationship, re-falling back in love, and the only way this could happen is by completely separating and either realizing we do indeed need/want eachother or we do indeed want to move on. Other reasons include me constantly wondering what she's doing at night and in the future her probably wondering the same thing for me. We aren't together, but we aren't broken up, but where is the line drawn? She still introduces me as her boyfriend but I can't ask what exactly she's been doing the past three evenings and with who (in a non-pestering kind of way). This drives me nuts and I just can't deal with it. I'd just assume bite the bullet and break off and when I wonder what she's doing, I can sanely remind myself that it's none of my damn business instead of having wild thoughts run through my mind for this 50% girlfriend of mine. Lol, I know, we've gotten ourselves in quite the rut. I also brought up that I'm going to be going through quite a lot of changes myself the next few months. This 'situation' has really inspired me to re-prioritize my schooling, arts, and friends, and I have a lot of mini-goals set up that will be introducing me to somwhat new lifestyles and new people. I wasn't saying this in any kind of threatening way. Instead, I was just addressing my side of the story and wanted to make sure she knew that there's a decent chance I might be somewhat different, for good or bad in relation to her, if she indeed does want to get back together in the future. So anyhow, our talk was cut short when we arrived at home and her needing to attend "stuff" for the evening, although we decided to continue our talk later. I think we both know what is next though. I'm preparing myself for a full on ceassation of communication and reliance between the two of us. Of course I'll treat her like a friend if she needs me, but if she needs a ride, call someone else. I need a vent, I'll call someone else. When she's lonely, don't call me. This is what life is like without eachother and do we like it or not...? So how do you guys feel about this? I've kind of explained ourselves in a nutshell here so I might have left a few important things out. I think I feel pretty good about this. It's of course the bitter-er of the two roads as lingering at 50% at least gives us tastes of eachother here and there and cutting off is harsher up front, but optimistically speaking, it can be a good test of faith I guess. I just fear that walking away might make us think that we don't care for eachother as much as we really do, but I guess that's the whole 'test' part of it... Thanks to the moon and back for the support and raw, unaltered advice. I really do appreciate it. -T __________________ Embracing the goddess energy within yourselves will bring all of you to a new understanding and valuing of life. A vision that inspires you to live and love on planet Earth. Like a priceless jewel buried in dark layers of soil and stone, Earth radiates her brilliant beauty into the caverns of space and time. Perhaps you are aware of those who watch over your home And experience of this place to visit and play with reality. You are becoming aware of yourself as a gamemaster... --Acknowledge your weaknesses-- Last edited by -Ever-; 12-05-2005 at 12:33 PM..