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Originally Posted by ratbastid
Well, okay, now you've named it. That's medical terminology you're using there. Maybe a medical approach is in order.
As far as I can tell, nothing cognitive or talking-based is likely to sink in with you. Your view of yourself and your "problem" is rigid, fixed, and self-supporting. Certainly the many-page discussion here has failed to give you access to anything outside your fixed view, despite the genuine efforts of dozens of people.
To be honest--and I've worked with many people on issues this big and bigger--I suspect a biochemical source for this. There are medications and treatments for social anxiety. If you're interested in shifting this behavior, I recommend you look into that.
I say "if" because I'm still not convinced you ARE interested in shifting this behavior. Mostly you seem interested in justifying and defending it. Which is fine--one valid option here would be to proudly BE the introvert you claim to be. Your problem really isn't that you're an introvert. Your problem is that you think you shouldn't be.
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I don't mean to appear ungrateful. I thought I had been making some small steps towards thinking more positively and being more assertive. I guess I'm having a difficult time with knowing the difference between explaining how I feel in those situations and trying to justify those feelings.
I realize that maybe finding a new therapist here is probably a good idea. I got the social anxiety disorder diagnosis from my old therapist back home. I've been reluctant to find a new one here because it would mean starting from scratch.
I fully realize that this is a small problem compared to what a great many people are going through, that others have much bigger problems than I do. I'm able to function in most aspects of my life, and being uncomfortable in social situations isn't going to kill me, it's just going to make me uncomfortable. Expecting to be free of discomfort, free of pain, as stilzkin suggests above, is unrealistic. I understand that. But it sure feels a lot worse than that when I'm in one of those situations.
Still, I think I have been trying. I don't know if what I've been doing will have any effect, it's probably far too soon to tell at this point.
Wouldn't it be better to see how this little experiment I've got going turns out rather than taking personality altering medicines before I know if this is going to work? I was reluctant to try them when my therapist suggested them for my depressioin a couple of years ago, because I'm unsure how we can know they'd only alter the one part of my personality that I want to change and not affect the other parts that I like. I'm not rejecting the idea outright, just trying to explain why I'm reluctant to do that.
I am grateful for all the help all the people in this thread have been trying to give me, and I apologize for all of the stubborness and arguing I've done. I know that you're trying to help, and I'm sorry I haven't been listening like I should.
Gilda